Breaking Point
by Corie
Summary: ABANDONED[5th year AU] Sometimes, the things you were so used to are the things that can hurt you the most. Harry Potter knows this better then anyone. Will he ever be the same as he used to be? mentions of child abuse CHAPTER 17 UPLOAD
1. Whatever happened to the hero?

A/N: I'm going to continue with Dark Shadows, soon in case anybody is wondering. And no, this isn't the same story. So, please R/R! I don't know how good this story is going to be, but if you guys like it, it'll be really really long! So, please, tell me whatcha think and NO FLAMES BECAUSE I IGNORE THEM COMPLETELY. *puts on Elvis voice* Thank you, Thank you very much. *cough* right.   
  
  
'It's the same everyday,' Harry thought grimly. 'I get up, make breakfast, get beat by my uncle, do chores, get beat by my uncle, make dinner, get beat, go to bed.' Harry laughed bitterly to himself at the thought of it. 'There you go folks,' he thought in disgust. 'My life in a nutshell.'  
There really wasn't anything to laugh at, but Harry Potter was bored out of belief. He was sick of the same old house. And if Harry didn't believe he deserved every ounce of pain, he would have left the house the day he came back. But his uncle knew something had happened and took that advantage over him to let out his rage. That, and the fact that Vernon was a complete nut case since his business had gone bankrupt. Harry Potter never had a chance if he wasn't going to use magic.  
And he knew it.  
Harry had changed more then mentally since his 4th year at Hogwarts. He was a lot different physically as well. His skin had  
tanned out from the long hours in the sun. And, despite the constant beatings and small portions of food his 'family' liked to call meals, Harry somehow managed to get more muscular.  
None of this mattered though. Harry wasn't going back to Hogwarts as far as his relatives were concerned. And right now, Harry didn't see the point in arguing. As there was no point in answering his friends letters. 'If they aren't going to read between the lines,' Harry had reasoned one day, 'Let them worry.' So Harry had sent Hedwig off to Hermoine's house to stay.  
Harry was different. He was changed. And he knew that nothing anybody would do could change that. Because the one thing that Harry Potter wanted was the one thing he would never have; love.  
Oh, sure. If he told his friends that they would tell him defensivly that they loved him, and Ron would point out that his family thought of him as another brother and son. Sirius would tell him he was mental and that the only thing keeping Harry from living with him was the fact most wanted him dead.  
But he wanted more. He wanted parents and grandparents and siblings. He wanted to feel wanted for once; the way Dudley seems to feel every time his mom hugs him or his dad smiles proudly at him. He noticed the little things. The way Ron and Hermoine had families and seemed so...so...happy....so lucky.  
'I dunno, Harry. Everything seems to happen to you, doesn't it?' Hagrids concerned face swarmed in front of his closed eyes. Harry remembered the anger he had felt at Hagrid when he had said that. Was Hagrid jealous as well? Was everyone so willing to be him that they didn't even care to look at what was really happening under their noses?  
'Oh, Harry! He's jealous!' Hermoine's exasperated face showed she wished to know what it was like as well. To know what it felt like to be The Boy who lived.  
'More like the boy who got killed by his drunken uncle.' Harry sighed and opened his eyes once again. He wasn't really angry at his friends. He just wished they would notice. Because he knew if he was noticed everyone would realize just how horrible his life really was. And maybe it would be better if they just stayed themselves.  
But nobody bothered to find more out about the Dursleys. Not like he would have told them he was thrown around like a rag doll, but all the same. He wished they would open their eyes to see what was going on.  
Harry snorted at what would happen if anybody found out about his...*ahem* 'home' life. He imagined how everyone would be disappointed in him. Disappointed in his life.  
It isn't as perfect as it seemed before, is it?  
And before he could stop himself, Harry Potter fell asleep were he as thrown into the world of nightmares that haunted him until he woke up and lived yet another, more real, more 'deserved', nightmare.  
  
"BOY! GET UP" Harry darted up out of his bed half from the screams nearly giving him a heart attack and half form the nightmare. This caused him to knock his head against the wall and hurt his head further.  
'Graceful, Potter.' Harry sighed and rubbed the back of his neck wearily, counting down.  
"10....9.......8.......7.......6....5.....4......3........2......" Harry mumbled quietly before-  
The door swung open violently causing a drunken man to swagger in. Harry was trying to calm himself in the back of his mind while trying to keep the sarcastic part to shut up.  
'Drunk so early, Dursely?' he mocked in his thoughts. He wasn't stupid enough to actually talk to his uncle when he was like this.  
'Just remember-it only lasts for a little while. And only one more month before someone is bound to come and pick you up for school when you don't show up for the feast. Unless they come before that, but don't get your hopes up, Potter.' And by the time the thoughts had stopped bothering him, his uncle had finished beating him and spit on to "finish the job properly." 


	2. No hope left

A/N: O.k. So, I get one review...I'm not mad...really....ok, I admit. The story sucks...but at least review out of pity, please??? Or, tell me how to make it better.... Thanks to ratgirl though for being the only one to review this story... She gets an award!! (and all of you who didn't review don't, so haha). All right. I've talked enough. I don't own anything, and PLEASE review if you like my story or I'll cry. Thanks!   
  
  
  
It was pathetic the way Harry was feeling. It was so hopeless to actually try, he reasoned. But he tried to remember his parents like he had never known them. He began humming softly, trying to forget the day he had. It had been worse then before; but then again, each day was always getting worse.  
  
  
"Don't forget, I'm here. Lalala. Always here for you." Harry smiled at the image he had came up with in his mind. His mother holding Harry and singing. His father sitting nearby watching happily.  
  
  
Harry had begun singing that song whenever he was beat. Actually, he used to sing it when he was real small, also. But that was because he had always been hit. But after getting accepted to Hogwarts, the hits had dwindled to only once in a while and the song had stopped. This summer had just hit an all time low. And perhaps that's why the song had begun again. It was the only comfort Harry Potter knew existed and the only on he believed could ever exist for someone like him.  
  
  
Harry Potter wondered what people would think once they found out that their hero was singing for comfort. 'They'd probably send me to St.Mungo's. Heroes don't need comfort. They'd think something must be wrong with me.' At this thought, Harry got off the floor and rubbed his head. It was going to be a long day.  
  
  
"It's about time!" Aunt Petunia screeched when Harry came down the stairs. Harry glanced at the clock and back at his aunt. 6:30. Just great, Harry thought. Keep me awake even longer so I can get more done.  
  
  
"Go outside and paint that fence. Then, I want you to pull the weeds in the garden." Harry nodded and went to the front door. He didn't remind his aunt that just yesterday he had weeded the garden. It was better he just stay quiet.  
  
  
They didn't have him cooking anymore, either. Uncle Vernon was sure he would try to poison them. So, he had another beating for that. Harry could still remember-  
  
  
He shook his head violently. He wouldn't think about it. He realized that the less he thought about it, the better of he was.  
  
  
That night, Vernon actually wasn't drunk; which gave Harry a strange sort of comfort. He knew his uncle couldn't hurt him as bad without the alcohol.  
  
  
"You! You are not going to be running around freely tonight, you understand boy?" Harry nodded and his uncle continued.  
  
  
"Get down stairs!" Harry stumbled as his uncle pushed the boy down the steps into the basement. Harry trembled slightly as his uncle walked past him and he heard the clicking of medal.  
  
  
His uncle came over and dragged Harry over to what, to Harry's horror were chains. He saw the chains connected to the wall and there were four of them. Each chain had a clasp on the end which Harry knew would be used to keep him there.  
  
  
His uncle seized Harry's small wrist and clasped one chain around it. It was so cold, Harry thought numbly. By the time Harry had looked back up, he had only one more ankle to go.  
  
  
"Now you listen here. You make any noise or do anything stupid to make my dinner party mess up, you'll be sorry, you hear me boy?" His uncles face was inches from his. Harry nodded and his uncle turned to go up the stairs. But-  
  
  
"You can't keep me chained up here like some animal!" Harry said. His uncle turned back around and began turning red.  
  
  
"Your lucky you get this good of treatment!" His uncle puched him and Harry hung his head. What would he do? So, when his uncle had slammed the door shut and he heard a lock click, then the footsteps were carried away. Harry looked around in the basement. It was so dark, and so cold. He shivered involuntarily.  
  
  
And he began humming and instantly felt better.  
  
  
It was two weeks later.  
  
  
Harry was picked up by his hair by his uncle. He was drunk; worse then ever before. The smell of the alcohol was making the headache Harry had double.  
  
  
"I told you not to bother me boy!" his uncle threw the boy across the room roughly  
  
  
'What did I do this time, Vernon. Breath off beat?' he thought dully but even his sarcastic side shut up after the pain increased from the hits he was receiving from his uncles rage.  
  
  
Harry tried tuning the scene out, but his body refused to let him stop thinking about the pain. He cried out in pain for the first time and his uncle stopped abruptly  
  
  
"So. Even heroes have a breaking point. I knew I'd find it eventually," his uncle smirked at his own words. "Now I know how far I have to go."  
  
  
He seized the boy and took one last swing at him before opening the closet full of broken toys and hurtling the small boy in. The boy took one last look at his crazed uncle before the closet was shut and a lock could be heard being put on and shut.  
  
  
There was no way out now. And now, Harry Potter blacked out afraid of what might happen if he stayed awake further.  
  
  
A/N: O.k, so seriously(NO I do NOT mean Sirius), did you like it?? PLEASE review... I'll beg----ok, so I'm desperate... *gets down on knees* pretty please?? *gets back up* It only takes 2 seconds, you know....it won't kill you--I promise... Just tell me whatcha think and NO FLAMES CAUSE THEY DON'T HELP... ..Tell me if I should continue. I'm done now....Lata!  
  
Oh, wait! I'm back. I forgot to add something.   
Ratgirl: I know, Harry seems kinda out of character, but he's out of wack cause of what was happening and stuff... It isn't too bad, is it?? I'm tryin to keep everyone in character. I hope it works.   
  
OH! And everyone else is going to enter the story soon!!!  
  
I'm relaly done this time.. I promise... Hasta luego! (I wonder, how do you say review in spanish?? *walks off muttering in spanish*) 


	3. The Rescue

A/N: Hey guys!! I don't own n e thing, so don't try to sue me. Hm... Oh, if you get a little confused by this chapter, don't worry. Everything will make sense once it gets explained in other chapters. I'm not just gonna leave ya hanging. So, I'm gonna shut up and I'll see ya at the bottom!  
  
  
He woke up to whispers. There were three-no four people, he figured. He kept quiet, listening to the anxious voices.  
  
  
"Are you sure this is his room?" the voice sounded vaguely familiar Harry didn't have enough strength to think, however.  
  
  
"Of course I know!" It was silent for a few more moments before another voice, one that seemed to be scared, spoke.  
  
  
"There-blood." Harry inwardly groaned. Great. The secret was out. Their hero was now going to be known as defenseless. Why did his head itch so much? He reached his hand up to his head and brought it back down in front of his face. It was hard to see in the dark, but there was no mistake that although he may not see it, Harry could feel it. The blood was coming from his head.  
  
  
"Hermoine, it can't be his-" the other broke off and Harry nearly had a heart attack. He knew those people! He had to try to get them to notice him. But his weak arms and broken body had other ideas.   
  
  
Harry began to try and get his body up or closer to the closet entrance so his arm could reach the door to bang and make some noise. He was so worried about getting their attention he hadn't noticed they had begun talking again. But he heard what they said and stopped in shock.  
  
  
"We'll have to get back. Mom'll be up soon. I guess we just write to Dumbledore and-" but the boy didn't have time to finish because Harry had reached the door and hit it.  
  
  
Silence.  
Then-  
"Fred-open that."  
Light.  
Gasps.  
"Harry!"  
"Hey guys."  
  
  
"Blimey, Harry! Look at you!" Harry grinned, embarrassed  
  
  
"WHAT'S ALL THIS RACKET?" his uncle was up. Harry sprang up in surprise and nearly choked from lack of oxygen and his cracked ribs burned in pain.  
  
  
"Get out! He'll find you!" Harry was wide-eyed and pushed his friends towards the door.  
  
  
"No way, Harry Potter. You're coming," and without enough time to respond, Harry had been dragged down the stairs and thrown into the fireplace with Hermoine who shouted 'The Burrow' just as she saw Harry's uncle coming down the stairs, angrier then Harry had ever seen before.  
  
  
  
Before Harry opened his eyes, he tried thinking about why it felt so warm around him. Something had happened, he remembered that much. Just what exactly it was, took a few moments until it registered.  
  
  
They had saved him. They had come and saved him. he wasn't going to die anymore. No more Vernon until next summer. He could bear the pain now. Just as long as he had his friends. He almost snorted at how corny that sounded, but he kept it in as he began to hear, for the first time sincehe woke up, that there were people talking.  
  
  
"Great! That lug almost killed me! And it wouldn't of been hard. All he had to do was sit on me. Honestly. He smelled awful."  
  
  
"Fred! be more serious!"  
  
  
"Mother! Are you suggesting that I'm not telling the truth?" Harry could almost the face Fred was making. He had seen that face many times before, especially when the twins were talking to their mother. Harry wanted to open his eyes.  
  
  
"Shh! He's waking up."  
  
  
Harry squinted at the bright light that poured onto his face. Groaning, Harry lifted himself up and yawned.  
  
  
"H-Harry?" Harry had fallen back realizing he didn't have enough strength to hold himself up. He looked up into the face of Hermoine who was leaning over him.  
  
  
"Hey. Sorry, just forgot." He shook his head trying to get his eyes more in focus.  
  
  
"Forget?! Blimey, Harry! How do you forget something like that?" Harry turned his head towards the raving red-head and grinned.  
  
  
"Guess he knocked me out one too many times," Harry rubbed the back of his next; it was becoming a habit when he was uneasy.  
  
  
"You should have told us Harry." The voice was cold and dead serious. Harry knew that voice and regretted he ever came out of that closet.  
  
  
"Hey Sirius!" Harry grinned at his godfather, but he didn't return the grin. "Are you ok?"  
  
  
"Just fine, Harry ." There was something terribly wrong with the way Sirius was speaking. A man next to Sirius raised a hand and put it on Sirius's shoulder.  
  
  
"Not now, Padfoot. Not now." Something clicked in Harry's brain and he grinned widely.  
  
  
"Professor Lupin!" he nearly screamed it and it made the man smile at his eagerness.  
  
  
"Just Remus, Harry." Harry beamed at his old professor as old memories came back to him. Harry frowned at his thoughts and he recalled everything that had happened that summer. He wasn't sure why he had forgotten, but he remembered most of the summer now. And why he was here.  
  
  
Forgetting that everyone was staring at him and forgetting that heroes don't sing, Harry began humming the song again quietly.  
  
  
"Uh-Harry?" Harry snapped out of his memories and looked startled at Ron.  
  
  
'Can I sit here?'  
'Don't say the name!'  
'Oh, Harry! He's jealous!'  
'Caught on, have you?'  
'Harry-Harry-HARRY!'  
  
  
  
"Whoa-What?" He looked around at everyone, his eyebrows raised in surprise.  
  
  
"Hey, you were zoning out again," Harry nodded and ran a hand through his hair.  
  
  
"Ron-were we...I mean, me and you, did we have a fight last year? At school?" Harry looked confused as he remembered vaguely  
  
  
"Harry? What are you talking about? You were there!" Ron said. He looked at Harry like he was crazy.  
  
  
"But," he looked at Sirius who's face was looking worried now to Remus who was walking forward, "I can't remember." It was too much to handle. Harry blacked out.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: So???? What did you think?! Good, bad, ok?? Well, you know how you can tell me, don't ya? BY REVIEWING!! You know, I now have 3 more reviews then last time... Maybe my begging did help... So, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!! I promise that I'll love you forever. Just, no flames. They tend to annoy me and I could get very angry. Believe me. You do NOT want a angry Corie. *cough* right. Um, I think I've finally lost it. Here are thanks to the reviewers!  
  
Anonymous: You realize, I can't give you an award now, don't you?! I don't know your name!! Lol. I'm ok, really. I'm SO glad you like my story!!!(I wasn't too sure, myself.) Don't worry. I can't stand leaving Harry in those kinds of situations, myself. Thanks again for reviewing!! (and if you have any ideas 4 the story, tell me!!)  
  
Lynds: *backs away slowly and cautiously* Uh, no camels, huh? We don't wanna hurt the author....She might get tramatized for the rest of her life, and then the sotry will never continue! *gasps* what would we do without it?! Lol. I'm just kidding...Uh, it's great to have threats like that!!!...I think.... It gets me going... Although, I do think this has been the first camel threat....interesting... Anyways! I'm excited u like my story! Thanks 4 reviewing, and feel free to give me some camel-free tips sometime!  
  
Lupus: Alright! I'm adding this chapter!!! Hope you like.... Does it reach your approval?! *coughs* ummm...I'm really ok. I'm really not always this scary......I think....Ok, well thanks for reviewing! I love you forever! If ya have n e tips, tell me and I'll get back to ya!!! 


	4. The burden of pain

A/N: Hum....not bad!!! I'm hoping that everyone will like this chapter. I changed a lot from the original chapter because it was too short and to the point. I hope this shows more emotion then originally written....  
BTW: If any of ya'll read my other story. 'Dark Shadows,' then I need to tell you that I'm really confused. I haven't gotten a single review from the last chapter. (I took out the authors note and put a chapter in it's place which I think confused people, or I'm hoping.) I REALLY hope it didn't stink that much because if it did, drop a review(NO FLAMES) and tell me to re-do it...  
So, I hope you enjoy this!!!!! This has a lot of Harry and Sirius....... PLEASE REVIEW!!!  
  
  
  
  
The first thing that Harry heard when he woke up was singing. It was the song. Whoever it was knew the song as Harry did. Harry kept his eyes closed afraid that if he moved, he might never hear the singing again. He had hoped it would be his father, since the voice was most definitely a male's. But it couldn't be and Harry knew that. Harry sighed in disappointment.   
He opened his eyes to see a back turned away from him. The person seemed to be doing something unable to be seen by the practically blinded Harry since his glasses had been removed. Harry tried to figure out who it was when he spotted the long black hair.   
It could only be one person. Sirius.  
'Sirius Black-he's after me.'  
'-Harry's godfather.'  
'Good. It'll make it much easier'  
'YOU KILLED THEM!'  
'Peter..'  
And then the events from last night flashed before him. Sirius had been mad at him. Mad for not being the hero or mad that Harry wasn't as strong? Harry wasn't sure which it was. But the tone of the man's voice had indicated that he was angry about something.  
"Harry!" Harry looked into the eyes of Sirius and remembered the song.  
"Sirius-you were singing," the older man look startled at the teenagers statement and smiled softly.  
"Yeah. Your mom used to sing that song all the time. I'm surprised you remembered it." Harry remembered why he sung it as he looked into Sirius's eyes.  
  
"GET IN YOUR CUPBOARD!"  
"Don't ask questions."  
A small boy staring at the stars, crying. "Mommy! Please come back. I'm sorry!"  
"You're parents hated you."  
"BOY! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO BOTHER ME?"  
Spit flying everywhere.   
Blood.   
Screams.  
  
  
"Now I know why I don't remember," Harry didn't see the scared look in Sirius's eyes as his eyes slipped out of focus and he fell back unconscious for what seemed the zillionth time that week.  
  
"Harry, come on. You can't keep falling unconscious. I'm bored outta my mind! I need somebody on my team for Quidditch besides Hermoine. Remind me to never let her try out for the house team, OK? She can't even fly half the time! She keeps falling off her broom and when she stays on it, she goes slower then a slug. Flying has got to be the one thing Hermione can never be taught," Ron was mostly talking to himself. Truth was, it was really boring and he was sick of not having his best friend around.  
Harry laughed to himself as the words processed. He worked to open his eyes and as his glasses were put on, he was able to see clearly the half annoyed half relieved face of his best friend.  
"Hey Ron," The raven haired boy grinned slightly and rubbed his head. Why did his scar hurt always hurt so much lately? He couldn't remember any dreams from the past few nights, but he knew they had to be bad if his scar hurt. Lost in his thoughts, Harry didn't even notice Sirius move forward.  
He flinched when a hand was placed on his shoulder. They withdrew quickly as if on fire and he kept his head down. He didn't want to remember anymore. This is why he had been brought to Ron's house. To be protected and get stronger. But right now, Harry felt so weak that he didn't feel like he would even be able to walk.  
"Harry-" Sirius seemed to be trying to control himself. He was on the verge of an outburst. Obviously the man's temper couldn't be kept under control for long.   
"Harry why don't you stop pretending?" Was he upset that the hero wasn't what he had expected? Harry braced himself for some insults, disappointment, or maybe even a hit. His scar stung stronger, he noted dully.  
"Sirius-stop it." Remus could see the fear in Harry's eyes and desperately tried to make his friend shut-up for once.  
"No. Harry, I can't believe you don't trust me!" A hand brought Harry's head around quickly towards the man so he was looking straight into Sirius's eyes. Harry's eyes went wide. If Sirius hated him the way Harry portrayed the scene, then he knew everyone was turning against him.  
"No! Please," Harry's voice weakened as he got his head away from the hand and lowered it into his arms. Harry couldn't take it anymore; he was breaking. "Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me." The images of his deranged uncle flew before his eyes. He wouldn't be able to take anymore beatings. He was at his limit.  
Nobody said a word. It was a silence that nobody even dared to breath into.  
"Harry-I" Sirius didn't mean to. He wanted to hold the teenager and cry. But he felt like Harry had let himself get hurt and Sirius just didn't know why. And he couldn't stand seeing the boy so hurt that he hardly even talked anymore. What was going to happen? It was a question that Sirius found even Dumbledore couldn't answer.  
Harry was crying, sobbing like a child by the time Sirius had regained his senses. Harry hadn't cried since before he could remember and he felt more vulnerable then ever. Harry knew it was dangerous and that's why he had never allowed himself this freedom before. He had to be strong for everyone, but deep down, he was too weak to carry the burden alone anymore. He just didn't know why. Did anybody?   
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not the hero anymore." He had tried to pretend, tried to keep it all in, but he was cracking. The shell Harry had built around his emotions was broken. The shell had allowed Harry to feel strong yet empty. Now he was painfully full of emotions. Which was better? Through both, Harry had felt pain. The one emotion that had never gone away and the one emotion Harry knew best.  
And the next thing Harry knew was that he was being hugged harder then he ever had before. He stopped crying suddenly and looked up, startled to see a mop of long black hair. Sirius was hugging him? Did that mean that he wasn't mad anymore? That Harry was again loved by the man who was closest to a father he had ever known?  
"Harry, I'm so sorry." Sirius's voice was rough and tired. Harry didn't recognize it's sound. Sirius had always had a voice that was calm and reassuring most of the time. Sometimes worried, and sometimes angry. But now he heard a emotion in the voice that he had found only through the voice of Mrs. Weasly. Heartbreak.   
"But Sirius- it's all my fault. It's always has been," Harry whispered. His godfathers embrace tightened and Harry felt the warmth of his breath. The breathing was unsteady, like the older man was crying. Harry didn't bother looking into his face, afraid of what he might find. Could Sirius actually cry because of what happened to him? Harry didn't believe someone would care that much.  
Harry continued crying until he wore himself out and fell asleep in his godfather's protective arms. He didn't want to think right now.  
  
  
  
A/N: Hm.... Strange. I hadn't really meant Harry to crack so early in the story. But, that doesn't mean that everything's ok. In fact, if people still like this story, I'm starting to think about what the sequel might be like.(yes, it might actually take a sequel to open up Harry just because....because I have something that'll help him). But if you people get annoyed and just want me to write THE END, then I guess I won't write a sequel.... ha..... I'm in a really strange mood right now, don't mind me. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!  
  
Thanks to the reviewers of chapter 3:  
  
Lady Foxfire: *Cracks an evil grin* I can be worse... hehe....  
  
Alexz: I know that this isn't exactly soon....But here it is anywayz! Hope you liked it.  
  
Sam: *Slowly backs away* Ok, don't freak out ok? Although I did enjoy the 4 'oh no's' But I'll letcha in on a little secret (Harry's in for a lot more then just not remembering)...I hope you keep liking the story and I'm sorry this took so long to get out!!(Btw: Sirius is sad, isn't he??? I'd much rather write a happy Sirius...but, oh well. Eventually I think).\  
  
...Sam: Ok, I'm guessing that this is a different sam, so here it goes.:  
Gosh, for being another Same you seem to have the same phrases, such as 'oh no.' *grins* I got 3 from you.. That makes 7 oh no's.. hm, I'm guessing I broke no record but it'd be funny if it did. I think we *all* could at some point want to kill Vernon... I just don't know how many would do it so violently... *backs up with hands in the air* If my next chapter takes long, is that what's going to happen to me?! (btw: maybe you could serve Vernon for dinner....never mind. That's disgusting.) 


	5. To understand is to Believe

A/N: Howdy!!! Well, I changed the summery. I'm hoping this might bring in more reviewers. SOOOO.....This is the next chapter of the story(obviously). I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but if any of you have any suggestions, TELL ME!!! Oh, and I feel really bad because one of the reviewers wanted me to email her, but I can't get the adress( I clicked on her name and it said in big bold letters WEB RESTRICTED.. im getting really mad with that by the way....) So, if any of you know the email adress to Lady Foxfire, then PLEASE PLEASE let me know what it is, or if you could tell her yourself that'd be great... and of course PLEASE REVIEW! I love to know what the readers are thinking.  
  
  
  
  
"But, Professor Dumbledore. I don't understand. Why does he keeps blacking out and falling in and out of conciousness. And why can't he remember anything?" Remus was pacing the room of the headmasters office impatiently. These things going on with Harry worried him and everyone else.  
  
"Remus-just Albus, please. And Harry's going to be like this for a little while. The pain that he went through-it's too much to take. I'm surprised that we only have to deal with blackouts and temporary memory loss. If everybody was to be put through what he has had to deal with his entire life, then most would go insane. Yet, Harry is dealing with it. His blackouts are necessary to his recovery. If he doesn't start getting the sleep he's been deprived of, then something terrible could happen." Albus Dumbledore looked older and more tired then usual.   
  
"You mean he could have died?" Remus stopped pacing and placed his hands on the desk, his shoulders hunched. He stared into the old man's blue eyes and waited for a response. Dumbledore nodded and Remus sighed deeply. How could this have happened?  
  
"But, Albus. There's something I still don't understand." Remus had resumed pacing nervously.  
  
"What is it, Remus?" Albus looked at the man curiously who continued pacing for 10 more minutes before speaking again.  
  
"I thought that if Harry was in trouble, you would be notified immediately I thought that you said if he ever wanted help those barriers surrounding his house would be set off immediately and you would be notified. Didn't you know?" Remus said wearily. At this the old man sighed and his lip twitched.  
  
"No, Remus. I didn't know." Remus's heart sank. What happened to his hero he had trusted in since he had first come to Hogwarts?  
  
"Then-the barriers aren't working?"  
  
"No," Remus looked confused and he added, "It means Harry didn't want our help."  
  
*~*  
  
  
"Hello, Mr. Potter. How are you feeling?" Dumbledore asked the black haired boy. Harry hardly acknowledged the question.  
  
The boys forehead wrinkled in confusion before he tilted his head to the side and began remembering.  
  
  
'Dear Mr. Potter-'  
  
'That's why Quirrel couldn't touch you.'  
  
'Only a true Gryffindor...'  
  
'I knew the moment he took you and I followed.'  
  
'I need you to tell me what happened.'  
  
Wormtail.   
  
Screams...  
  
  
  
  
"Harry?" the soft voice snapped him back into reality roughly. Harry shook his head violently. This is what he had escaped from. The tormenting memories were too much to handle.  
  
"Harry, what's the matter?" It was Sirius. Only Sirius. No Wormtail. No Voldermont. No more Cedric. Had he really killed him?  
  
"I remember now." Harry's green eyes bore into the light brown eyes in front of him.  
  
"Remember what?" He lowered the gaze again and stared at his hands. They would never understand.  
  
"Why I deserved everything." Harry felt a pair of hands seize him roughly. Harry's head snapped up in horror. The man released the grip a little and his face softened, but the grip was still firm.  
  
"You didn't deserve anything that happened to you this summer. Do you hear me, kiddo? Nothing you could ever do deserves that." Sirius was keeping firm eye contact with the boy. He couldn't let him fall into those lies. Sirius had let himself believe them once and he was still believing them. Harry didn't need that burden.  
  
"But, Sirius, I killed somebody." Sirius dropped the grip he had been holding but continued holding eye contact.  
  
"Cedric?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"No. Voldermont killed Cedric. You know that Harry. Don't let Voldermont make you think you killed Cedric. You would never and you know I'm right," Harry couldn't argue with that. He had never wanted to kill anybody in his life. Not even the burning hatred for Draco or Vernon could persuade him to kill. So why would he want Cedric killed? It was a simple answer. Even if Harry hadn't wanted Cedric dead, Harry had been the one that Voldermont wanted. It was Harry that was suppose to die. Not Cedric. Never.  
  
So, Harry didn't say anything and broke the eye contact with Sirius. He turned his head to Professor Dumbledore who smiled soberly.  
  
"You came for something, didn't you Professor." Everyone in the room looked uncomfortable as Dumbledore nodded. It was then that Harry noticed the whole house was assembled in the tiny room and Harry felt something click inside his brain.  
  
"You want me to tell you what it was like at my uncle's house? Do you want to know?" Harry's voice was colder then ice. This was the one thing he would never relive. He might push everything away for a while, but eventually, he would remember. But what happened at Vernon's house would stay away in a bottle locked inside his heart. It was too much to bare.  
  
"We aren't going to make you relive any of it, Harry. But we do need your cooperation." Harry frowned and nodded for the man to continue. Normally Dumbledore would make him relive everything. Didn't he think reliving it would make it all better?  
  
"We'll have to put you in a dreamless sleep, first. Then, we'll put a spell on you and it'll play back to us, your memories of your summer," At this, Harry griminced. None of them really understood the extent of it. They wanted to see the hurt that he went through and he knew they wouldn't take it easily. It was bad enough for one person to go through it. But now the people he cared about wanted to be put in his shoes and he didn't like the sound of it. He didn't want them to go through what he had gone through for most of his life.  
  
"Why? Why do you have to see what happened?" Harry was angry at them. Didn't they believe him? Wasn't that enough?  
"It isn't a matter of trust, Harry." At this Harry looked uncomfortable. Dumbledore must have read his emotions. "We just need to know what happened so your uncle can be charged correctly."  
  
If possible, Harry frowned further. Charged correctly for what? But he didn't say anything and nodded.  
  
"As long as I don't remember."  
  
"I promise you, Harry. You won't remember anything more then you do now," The old professor handed Harry a blue bottle of 'Dreamless sleep potion.'   
  
"You just want to see what happened during the summer? Nothing more then that?" Dumbledore nodded, his face emotionless.  
  
"Are you all going to watch?" Harry gazed uneasily at Ginny and Hermoine. He didn't want them to have to experience what he did.  
  
"Unless you object, but they do want to see it. Nobody is here by force," Remus explained. Harry ran a hand thorugh his messy hair/  
  
"I just don't know if you guys know what your getting yourselves into." And with that, Harry opened the bottle, avoided the stares, and drifted off to a much needed sleep.  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Hey!!! I hope you liked that chapter.....Review and tlel me whatcha think, ok???   
  
Thanks to all my reviewers!!  
  
Sam and Sam: Aahhhhhh... It all makes sense now! ;). I knew u were just trying to confuse me.  
I hope being emotional isn't too bad.......if it isn't a good idea, then maybe I should back off, huh?? Well, thanks for thinking it's interesting..!!! And thanks so much for reviewing!!!!!  
  
Story Spindler: Hey! A new reviewer!!! Naw, I would never demand a certain number of reviews. I mean, i know how annoying that can be. Anyways, thanks for reviewing at all!! I don't mind that you didn't review first chapter. At least I had one review!!! It's better then none. I'm glad you think it's well written (though I'm not too sure myself) and I'm sorry it's so depressing.....Keep reviewing and tell me what you think!!! Thanks!  
  
Broxs: WOw! My story, an obbsession?! Lol. Never really thought it would get that way. I'm SOOO glad you like it!!! And I'm really glad you did review again! Don't worry, I will make a sequal eventually. But I'm going to take Harry through the fifth year first... Hey, if you want to email me, maybe I can run some suggestions by you and you can tell me whatcha think????(Coriemonster13@aol.com) Thank you!  
  
coconut-ice agent h/h: Hmmm... Interesting name...:) But thank you so much for your review! I know how much people hate Vernon.(which is why I don't want him off the hook). Wow, thanks!!!! And thanks for reviewing!!!!!  
  
Lei Dumbledore: Thanks for reviewing and I'm going to keep up with the chapters as best as I can...  
  
Again, thanks to all reviewers and I hope everyone will review for this chapter!!! Thanks!!!! 


	6. The summer from hell

A/N: Hey everybody!! I hope you enjoy this next part!!!!!!!! PLEASE REVIEW!  
  
  
  
  
"Are you all ready?" Everyone nodded in the room. They were all sitting around in a circle, unprepared for the images they would see.  
  
"All right. If any of you wish to leave, do so now. Once the spell is cast, you all have to stay. No matter what," Albus waited for any who wished to leave. Since receiving none, he cast the spell silently and they all watched as the scenes began.  
  
It was like a 3-d movie. It played in the middle of their circle as they watched with horrified eyes.  
  
It began at the Platform where Harry's uncle picked him up for the summer.  
  
Then, to the first beating of the summer when they got home.  
  
To the starving nights.  
  
To the sleepless nights.  
  
To the work filled days.  
  
To more beatings.  
  
And then to Meal-making.  
  
  
(July 1st)  
  
"Your useless, boy." The pudgy man spit on the small figure who laid huddled in a corner. He clumsly moved out the door and slammed it shut. It had been one of the worse beatings he had gotten. He didn't move for what seemed an hour. But when he finally did, it was a sigh they heard.  
  
Harry sat up and cradled his small arm. The swelling vanished any doubts that the arm might not be broken.  
  
"It's ok, Harry." It was no cry of helplessness, but comfort. The boy was bandaging his arm with whatever he had and cringed.  
  
"So, Harry. Think he'll go easy on you tomorrow?" Harry laughed coldly at the question he asked himself out loud The house watched as Harry looked outside his barred windows(the bars had been put back on over the school year) and began singing the song he had hummed for then before.  
  
"I'll never leave, don't you cry. Oh, baby, don't you see." The boys eyes were shut and he seemed to have fallen asleep, but after a little while, he regained himself and sat on the mattress. He sighed again.  
  
"Boy, I really screwed up this time, didn't I?"   
  
Nobody in the house who were watching the memories moved. They were still and quiet. The only thing that was different were the tears that ran silently down some of their cheeks.  
  
  
  
(July 31st)  
  
"So, Boy. Think you're special because your some sort of 'hero' in your freak world?" At this his uncle smiled insanely. Harry noticed an empty bottle of liquor in his hands. "But, I suppose you aren't good enough. Were are all your friends when you need them? Don't you think they would have figured out you've been hit for your whole life?" His uncle was talking strangely and Harry didn't like it. Vernon's smile grew wider.  
  
Receiving no answer, his uncle picked the boy up by his shirt and roughly held him against the wall.   
  
"Answer me, boy." Harry was shaking terribly. What would he say to him?  
  
"I-I don't know. I guess they just never noticed," Harry's said in a low whisper that sounded like he was going to pass out it was so faint.  
  
"Or maybe they did. Maybe," his uncle brought his face closer to Harry's. "Maybe they just don't care."  
  
Harry didn't seem changed by the news. He just stared at his uncle blankly. His uncle released the boy, sending him to the floor in a crumple. Harry grimaced from the still broken arm which didn't seem to be getting any better.  
  
His uncle punched him, threw him, and kicked him. He nearly broke Harry's jaw when he punched him in the face. But, instead the jaw began bleeding freely from a cut that had been made by the ring on Vernon's hand.  
  
It was then, that Harry realized why his uncle had brought that empty bottle in with him. Harry watched as he took the empty bottle and raised it over the boy who was huddled in a corner.  
  
For one moment, the man only grinned insanely at the boy. But, before Harry could react, the large bottle came crashing down on Harry's head. Harry's eyes begged for something, but that was the most emotion they got out of him for now. His uncle left in victory with Harry's head bleeding freely and the humming began again.  
  
Soon, Harry lifted himself to the mattress which served as a bed. Harry was grateful that he had at least this. Harry lay in bed and began singing another song.  
  
"Happy Birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, Harry. Happy birthday to me." His voice was hoarse and in a low whisper as to not be heard.   
  
"I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything better today," Harry said talking to nobody. "After all, my birthday was never a big deal before."  
  
After a few short moments he added out loud  
  
"All I wish for my birthday is for Sirius to get free. It was me that got him into this mess. Now all I want is for him to get out of it." Harry blew out imaginary candles and shook his head furiously causing him to hold his head in agony.  
  
"Don't be a prat, Harry. Wishes don't come true for you."  
  
  
  
(August 14th)  
  
"Go outside and paint that fence. Then, I want you to pull the weeds in the garden." Harry nodded and trudged outside.  
  
"You! You are not going to be running around freely tonight, you understand boy?" Harry nodded and his uncle continued.  
  
"Get down stairs!"  
  
They watched as the man chained Harry up to the wall.  
  
"Now you listen here. You make any noise or do anything stupid to make my dinner party mess up, you'll be sorry, you hear me boy?"  
  
"You can't keep me chained up here like some animal!"  
  
"Your lucky you get this good of treatment!" His uncle puched him and Harry hung his head.  
  
  
Then they watched as he got beat for the last time and was thrown into the closet.   
  
They watched as the teenagers came and saved him.  
  
And then it ended. And they all were sitting in complete silence before Sirius broke it.  
  
"I gotta get out of here," Sirius was shaking terribly. Remus tried to make him sit back down.  
  
"Harry'll need to see you when he wakes up," Remus tried to console him. But Sirius pulled away.  
  
"I can't face him. Not now. Not after what I've seen." And Sirius walked out the door and transformed into the dog.  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Hum.....I dunno. Whatcha all think???Please, please review!!! I'm hoping ya'll still like this story........ Thanks to these reviewers for chapter 5:  
  
Wink At J00: 21 OMG's!!!!! lol. I'm soooo glad you like it so much.....I'll try to update as much as I can. Thanks for your review.  
  
AtieJen: Aloha!!! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, and thanks for reviewing!  
  
RadiantMoonWolf: "You bet your booty I liked it!" 


	7. Reactions

A/N: Hey everyone. I just want to add that this section of the story has been deticated to a 4 year old little girl I saw on t.v. today. They showed a servaliance(sp?) video of her mom beating her and punching her half a dozen times in the face in a parking lot. They can't find the mom or the little girl because their hiding. I'm feeling so many things right now. I pray to God they find them before death finds the little girl.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing....yet  
  
  
Ron stood up shortly after Sirius had slammed the door shut. His face was pale and he ran a hand threw his red hair. He looked around at everyone and swallowed hard.  
  
"Why wouldn't Harry want us to know about this?"Ron's voice was cold and angry. After Remus had talked to Dumbledore, Remus had come home and immediatly told everyone what he had gotten out the Dumbledore.  
  
"Harry thinks he deserved it," Hermoine said. Her voice was weak and her face stained with tears.  
  
"But that's so stupid!" Ron cried out in indignation. He was turning beat red now.  
  
"Ron, you've never been abused! You don't know the side-effects! You don't know how damaging the lost years of love are! I can't even begin to imagion how he's survived all these years without any hope or love in the world. I wouldn't be able to survive, and I doubt that you would be able to either. It may seem stupid to you that Harry thinks he deserved it, but after years of getting it pounded in his head it's almost like he has no other options," Hermoine had flung herself off the floor and was standing in front of Ron, red in the face and tears running out of her eyes. Ron, for once, was speechless. Seeing she was going to get no response, she bolted from the room and up the stairs to Ginny's room. Ginny followed shortly after, still shaking.  
  
Remus who had been holding his head in his hands, slowly began walking out of the room, his face ducked from view. Mr. and Mrs. Weasly, and Dumbledore were the only ones left now. George, Fred, and Ron had left after Remus and gone upstairs.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Padfoot?" Sirius didn't respond. He was staring straight in front of him in silence. Remus sat next to Sirius and they both stayed in silence for what seemed like forever.  
  
"I don't understand how he did it, Moony." The man hung his head and continued a short while after. "I don't understand how that kid could stand all that and still think he deserved it. I don't understand how what promised to be a perfect life for Harry ended up in disaster. I don't understand how my stupid mistake could do all this to him." The brown haired man turned to look at the other sharply.  
  
"None of us understand, Padfoot. Especially the deaths of Lily and James. But blaming yourself is exactly what Harry did and it's exactly why he almost got himself killed. Harry doesn't need you moping around feeling sorry for yourself and wondering 'what if's'. He needs someone to understand him; and you're the only one to do that because you've both been through things you don't deserve." Remus was still staring at Sirius but Sirius hadn't moved a muscle.  
  
"But I failed him. I let him get hurt! When we finally do get the kid back I act like a total prat! I treated him like HE had done this to himself! I was in complete shock towards the whole situation and then when I finally got to see him, I cracked. I practically yelled at him when I should have been there to hug him and tell him it's ok. But I didn't. And then the poor kid falls into unconciousness after telling us he doesn't remmeber a darn thing and I totally loose it and start singing Lily's old song. But, when he wakes up again, old Sirius is there to yell at him again." Remus was giving Sirius a 'I think you've lost it' look. "Remus! I made the kid CRY. I made, Harry Potter, The boy who Lived break down and cry. Even Voldermont can't do that! Who the heck do I think I am?" Remus was staring at his friend and stayed silent the entire time. He knew that when Sirius got like this the best thing to do was listen.  
  
"So, when Dumbledore decides to see what had been going on, I jump in on it to see too. But when I actually see him get hurt like that and know I can't do a thing to stop it; that's when I know I'm going to loose it. I can't stand seeing the kid hurt! Hasn't he suffered enough? Does his uncle really think he had ANY right to touch the kid? The only thing keeping me from going over there personally and killing that whole family is Harry," Sirius had started crying now and couldn't even talk because of his tears.  
  
"Sirius, you don't think it killed me too? To know that Harry had been holding this secret his whole life without any love? Come on, Sirius. But what Harry doesn't need is pity, Black. What he needs right now is knowing that he has someone there that loves him. And your the closest thing to a father that kid knows. YOUR his family, weather you know it or not. So, the thing I wanna know is, Sirius, is why are you telling ME all this, when the one you really should be telling is right inside?" Sirius didn't move for a while, and then turned his head towards his friend and thanked him with a glance before standing up and striding into the house.  
  
"I dunno, Harry," Remus had begun talking to himself as soon as he saw the door close behind Sirius. "You gotta be one strong kid to be able to stand all this stuff thrown at you. I just don't know where it all came from." Remus stood and rubbed the back of his neck.  
  
"Out of all the kids to beat Voldermont. Out of all of them, it had to be you. And out of all of them," Remus croaked, "Out of all of them it was you I wish didn't most of all." Because, surely, all these same things wouldn't have happened to another in the same way, Remus thought silently. Remus shook his head sadly and walked back into the house were the rest of the house was beginning to gather and wait for the sleeping teenager on the couch to wake up.  
  
  
  
A/N: So......I hope you liked this part of the story. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!! They really help me write better and faster.  
  
Thanks to the reviewers of chapter 6:  
  
glimmer: Thank-you! Hope you liked this part!  
  
RadiantMoonWolf: Hey!! Fav list, huh?? Is it that good?! Lol, well thanks so much and yes, I promise I'll keep writing for this story until it's finished!  
  
StorySpindler: I know. :( They do need each other, huh??(I mean, like father son! Lol) Hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
  
JamieyKay: :) Thats ok(I did that before)!! Thank you so much!!!!!   
  
  
Ok, that about wraps it up. I'll write more soon, I promise. 


	8. Promises Hurt

A/N: This chapter is ready! Whaoo!! Enjoy!  
  
  
  
  
Harry woke up as someone began to shake him. He coiled away instinctivly and felt the person stop shaking him.  
  
"Harry?" The voice was raspy and hoarse, but he knew that voice. "Come, on buddy. I need you to wake up so I can talk to you." Harry opened one eye and found that his glasses were already on his face. He opened the other eye and found Sirius on one knee in front of him staring intently at him.  
  
"Sirius? What's going on?" Harry wearily tried to sit up and failed. Sirius reached out and grabbed him under his arm to help him sit up.  
  
"Do you think your up for a walk, kid?" Harry shrugged and Sirius helped him stand. They began walking slowly towards the door, Sirius holding Harry up by his arm.  
  
They walked outside. It was so early that the sun was nowhere in sight. They began walking again and where walking for about 10 minutes before Sirius talked.  
  
"Harry,"Sirius sat Harry down and did the same for himself. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked over at the now yawning Harry.  
  
"Harry I-I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you," Harry looked over cautiously at his godfather. He opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius held up his hand.  
  
"Please, let me finish, ok?" Harry nodded. "Harry, the first time I held you in my arms, I promised that if anything ever was to happen to your mother or father I would take care of you. I swore that nothing would keep me from that promise. You meant so much to all of us, kiddo. And to tell you the truth, I never thought a promise could hurt so much.  
  
"When you woke up, I was exactly the thing you didn't need. I was mad, to tell you the truth. Not exactly mad at you," Sirius had read the worried expression on Harry's face. "But at myself. I let you get hurt, kiddo, and it kills me to know that.   
  
So, I completely lost it when I saw you. I mean, seeing how hurt you were- kid, I just don't understand how you made it out alive." Sirius stopped for a moment, looking at Harry who was looking at the ground.  
  
"I'm sorry that you've had to go through all this. No kid should ever have to live through what you have. I mean, even without the abuse. Fighting Voldermont, being wanted dead, not knowing who to trust. I couldn't live with it. So that makes you special, kiddo." Harry looked up at this, face emotionless.  
  
"I can't be special," His face was hard and cold. He was done pretending. He wasn't going to keep it all inside anymore.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because if I were special I never would have put you all through this. I would be stronger."  
  
"Harry, stop. Don't shut everything out. Don't blame yourself for other people's mistakes. And I know that it's hard for you to understand this because your the one always getting the end of the mistakes, not making them. But, it isn't your fault Voldermont wanted to kill everyone. It isn't your fault that that man hurt you like he did. I want you to remember it isn't your fault," Sirius looked up at Harry who didn't move and was staring at the ground.  
  
"Harry? Tell me you believe me when I say it isn't your fault," Sirius's voice was cracking and yet Harry still didn't move.  
  
"It doesn't matter. I'm only here for one reason and that's to be the hero. Everybody's counting on me to be something I'm not. They think I have to beat everything and save them all. They don't understand, Sirius. And nobody loves me for me. They all love me for what I do and how I do it. I have to be the hero," Harry's face was hidden in the shadows of the darkened morning, head still hanging downwards.  
  
Sirius pulled him into a hug, but Harry pulled away and retreated into the house.  
  
Sirius stared after him, his face pale and shaken. Sirius had seen what abuse can do to a person. He remembered how someone so close to him had been hurt by their father only to retreat inside herself and not let anyone near.   
  
*Flashback*  
  
  
Sirius stared at the 15 year old girl in front of him. He was determined to find out why every summer she came back looking like a train ran over her.  
  
"Lily! I want the truth! Did your father do this to you?" Sirius took a step forward as Lily took one back.  
  
"It doesn't matter Sirius! I deserve it!" Lily was crying now, but her tears were wiped away furiously, her anger taking over.  
  
"Lily, you know we all love you. I love you like a sister," Sirius watched her face turn cold.  
  
"Sirius, the only love I've known was the beatings I got from my father," Lily sat down on the chair and held her head in her hands, quietly shaking.  
  
"Lils, please, will you talk to me about it?" Lily snapped her head up and shook her head frantically.  
  
"I can't Sirius. You wouldn't understand."  
  
*End of flashback*  
  
  
Sirius remembered feeling like someone had dropped a cold ice bucket over his head when she had said that. And when Harry had moved away from his hug, he had felt hte same thing. Sirius just hoped that what Lily went through wouldn't be the same for Harry.  
  
  
A/N: Dun dun dun.......anybody expect me to add that in there?! Hope you all like this chapter and please please please please please please please please please please please review!!!! Oh, and I'm thinking about starting another story about Lily's life. Tell me whatcha think.  
  
Comentario!!(spanish for review--thanks weird)  
  
I would like to thank the reviewers of chapter 8:  
  
StorySpindler: Hehe...guess it could get more depressing, huh? It'll probably be like this for a little while. But not for forever. I promise.  
  
RedRasberry: Speechless, huh? Hope you can talk soon again :). I know, I do know the difference, but I'm usually too lazy to go back and check all my errors. Haha.  
  
RadiantMoonWolf: Glad you like the story and thanks for reviewing again!  
  
LittleEar BigEar's sis: (BTW: I like your name) Thanks!!  
  
Nexus: Thank you. I spent a while trying to figure out how to make Remus react. He's a pretty cool character, huh?   
  
Sakura Blossom: Glad you liked it and i hope you liekd this chapter.  
  
Sam: Hey again!(both of you) I think this chapter was longer, I'm not sure. If it isn't sorry....*grins* no fighting with each other on the computer. Haha! An insane person?! Well, I dunno about that. But maybe in another sense. And Draco is-ah- little different in this story. Some things are gonna start to happen soon. Hang in there.  
  
Ashes: Thank you so much! Hope you enjoy the rest of the story!  
  
Weird: LoL. Love your review. Thanks so much. (Especially for the help in spanish ;) )  
Keep reading, ok? And tell me what you think.  
  
That's it everyone. I'm outta here until next time.  
  
~Corie 


	9. Silent knowings and a Nightmare

A/N: Ah, hi? OK, OK. I know. My chapters are really short and they take a while to come out.......Sorry?? Really, I mean I never expected this to take so long. But I'm writing a story(A REAL ONE!!!) like, with my own characters, plot, and stuff. So I've been working on that and it's hard to do school, this story, and my other story, and then the my own story I'm working on....ugh, yeah. I know that's not a great excuse, but it's all I got...I'm really sorry! But enjoy this chapter... I kinda like it....It's got more of Ron and Hermoine and Ginny then Harry. And review when your done, please??? They get chapters out sooner. :)  
  
  
"You killed me, Harry. And after everything I did. I thought we were finally becoming friends," those gray eyes stared at him, the way they had looked when he had been killed, cold and lifeless. Harry shuddered.  
  
"I'm so sorry-" he cried but Cedric only laughed. The laugh was cold and hard, the same as Voldermont's. And soon, the body of Cedric turned into Voldermont who grabbed Harry around the neck.  
  
" It won't be long, Potter, before another dies at your hands."  
  
  
Harry bolted upright, his breathing heavy and sweat beading down his face. He looked around the room, his green eyes startled and scared. He looked at the sleeping form of Ron who was snoring slightly. He sighed and dragged his limp body down the stairs to the kitchen.  
  
He went down slowly in fear of someone else being up and asking why he was awake. Then they'd drag him into telling them the dream and then they'd all be more worried about him.  
  
He could take care of himself. He didn't need someone breathing down his back all the time telling him he needed to do something.   
  
He collapsed into a kitchen chair after grabbing a glass of water. He stared at the glass for a while, just thinking. Mostly about the dream.  
  
"Cedric's right," he said quietly to himself, "I did kill him." Harry felt his body contract violently with a sob. A small tear fell down his cheek.  
  
He didn't know how long he sat there, sobbing, but what he did know, was he heard somebody coming down the stairs.  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Earlier that day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
"Hermoine?" a soft knock rung on the door. He could hear soft sobs coming from inside and he opened the door cautiously.  
  
Ron stepped inside the room to see Ginny and Hermoine both red and puffy eyed. He let a small smile leave his lips, but it didn't reach his eyes.  
  
They both looked at him expectantly, waiting for his reason for being here. He walked over to them and sat next to Ginny on her bed.  
  
"I wanted to sat sorry for yelling earlier," he said quietly. Hermoine's eyebrows shot up so fast that he was sure they were going to disappear altogether. She was surprised he was apologizing; they always fought, but never apologized.  
  
"I was being stupid," he added. "I should have been more concerned for Harry. I just let my anger get to me." He sighed heavily. How could he explain this?  
  
"You'd think that if he was getting hurt he'd tell someone, you know? I mean, sure, he's talked about his uncle not really caring, but- I mean, I never expected this- he never mentioned getting beat up-" Ron let out a sob. Ginny quickly held him in a hug. He straightened back up.  
  
"I should have figured it out," he said quietly. Hermoine, who had been silent walked over to Ron.  
  
"We can't fight right now," she said softly. She looked straight into his eyes, hers gleaming unnaturally. "Harry needs us to be there for him."  
  
Ron looked at Hermoine strangely.  
  
"You know, I always dreamed of being him," he's eyes glazed over for a second before he shook his head furiously.  
  
"I was too caught up in myself and too jealous of him to realize that he might be a hero, but he's also still 15. All I knew was that he was getting all the attention I craved and he didn't appreciate it. I got so mad that he was always in he spotlight. Why couldn't I take my eyes off myself for one minute and see the hurt he always carried with him?" Ron stood up angrily.  
  
"If I wasn't so stupid Harry might not have had to have gone through this. I could have stopped it if I had asked him more about his uncle," Ron pounded the wall in anger, his eyes flashing dangerously.  
  
Hermoine walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Do you think Harry's been abused more then just this summer?" she asked cautiously. Ron looked at her startled and pulled away from her hand.  
  
"He's never told me," he said faintly. Hermoine started to shake and she walked towards the bed to sit down. Ron was glaring out the window and Ginny watching them silently, tears streaming down her pale cheeks.  
  
"Oh, gosh," she said quietly and Ron looked over at her half curiously half concerned. "Ron, what if all this time his uncle has been hitting him? What if it wasn't just this summer?" Ginny looked extremely startled.  
  
"Don't you think he would have told us though?" Hermoine shrugged weakly and Ron only grunted.  
  
"Knowing Harry, he's probably been dealing with this for awhile. If he thought it would protect us, he won't tell us," Ron answered flatly. Hermoine made a noise of protest.  
  
"But Ron, what if he didn't tell us because he thought we should have figured it out already?" Ron's face turned red.  
  
"So, he didn't tell us because he thought we already knew? He thought we'd actually leave him in that house to get beat up and practically killed? What was he thinking?" His face was bright red and his eyes practically burning with anger.  
  
"His uncle probably made it seem more like that then he'd actually think himself, does that make sense?" Ron stared at her blankly and she sighed.  
  
"Remember how we saw his memories? Remember how we could see the way his uncle talked to him?" Ron and Ginny nodded. "What if all the things his uncle said about us not caring made him actually think that?" Ginny stood up and walked to the window to stand beside her brother.  
  
"He doesn't blame either of you," she said quietly. They both looked at her with expressions of unbelief on their faces.  
  
"Harry would never blame either of you for what his uncle did to him," she caught Ron's eyes and stared at him. "He might have gotten mad that you didn't figure it out, but Harry would never blame you. He hardly blames anyone for anything, let alone his friends," Ginny turned around to face Hermoine who was staring at her hands quietly.  
  
"You're probably right, Gin," Hermoine said in a soft whisper so that hardly either could hear. She lifted her tear stained face upwards.  
  
"But I knew Harry was getting hurt by his uncle since the beginning of the summer."  
  
  
  
A/N: Hmm.......That's all I'm gonna say. :) Oh, and if any of you read this and think I should do a story on Lily's life, tell me in your review. Otherwise I'll just leave it.  
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE  
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!  
  
Gratzi to the following:  
  
shdurrani: LOL. I know, Harry's got to get better. He's one of my fav. characters. Hehe. Thanks  
  
Ashes: Thanks so much!! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
  
weird: I know. :ducks from stuff being thrown at her: it's short again....And I'm sorry. I'll really try to get the next chapter out sooner....and maybe longer.... thanks for reviewing!  
  
animalcrazy10102: thanks!! and i'll try to update soon again....  
  
To the rest of ya: PLEASE REVIEW! 


	10. Breathing again

A/N: Hey everybody! Happy Turkey Day!!! Man, I have a four day weekend and no homework..... and see what happens? A new chapter! Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: *blushes* I've forgotten about these things. *Cough* I own nothing. You know that.  
  
  
  
  
"Cedric's right," he said quietly to himself, "I did kill him." Harry felt his body contract violently with a sob. A small tear fell down his cheek.  
He didn't know how long he sat there, sobbing, but what he did know, was he heard somebody coming down the stairs.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He quickly and furiously wiped at the tears that stained his cheeks and ran into the shadows. He cursed quietly to himself in anger. How could he have been so stupid? He should have known that someone would hear him or that someone else could have woken up. He should have never taken the chance.  
  
Harry stopped thinking and watched the figure slowly come down the stairs, rubbing their eyes sleepily. He squinted hoping to be able to see who it was. They were looking around, confused as though they had misplaced something. And then they spotted the glass of water that Harry had left on the table.  
  
The person stared at it for a moment, and then reached out a hand and grabbed it. They studied it for a moment and then whipped their head around.  
  
"Lumos," they whispered. Harry had definitely heard that voice before and he cringed. He knew if he found Harry, he would be in deep. They weren't suppose to know he hadn't slept in days.  
  
The light reflected back and Harry saw the desperate face of Remus looking in the shadows for him. Harry took a step back on instinct and immediately wished he hadn't.   
  
He had tripped over a bunch of the twin's pranks they had left lying around. He heard the fake wands turn into chickens behind him and he squeezed his eyes shut. He tumbled down and heard Remus hurry over to him.  
  
Remus looked like he was relieved and angry at the same time. Harry untangled himself from the pranks but didn't say a word. Meanwhile, he heard a bunch of doors begin to open.  
  
"What's going on?" that was Hermoine's voice. Harry stood up and didn't say anything. He backed towards the door to outside slowly, Remus watching him, not blinking.  
  
"Harry-" Remus seemed to be trying to comprehend what was going on. Harry breathed in and out. Remus reached out a hand to touch Harry.  
  
Immediately, alarm bells rang in Harry's head and he backed into the wall loudly and quickly. He heard the people who had woken up hurry down the stairs.  
  
Wide eyed and panicked, Harry looked around at the people filing into the kitchen. They stopped moving at the sight of him and Hermoine lifted a hand to her mouth.  
  
"I'm not going to hurt you Harry," Remus said softly. Harry put his hand behind his back, hand securely on the knob. His hands were shaking horribly and he was thinking up thousands of ways to escape.  
  
He closed his eyes and shook his head. Uncle Vernon. Dudley.  
  
  
~Flashback~  
  
"Come 'ere, boy. We aren't going to hurt you," those eyes. Those cold gray, merciless eyes bore into his very sole and sucked the life out of them the way the Dementors did.  
  
The loud crack of the whip suggested to Harry that he never trust again.  
  
~end of flashback~  
  
  
He was whispering softly to himself, nonsense. He heard a faint 'pop' in front of him.  
  
"They aren't here. Stop. No. Please. Can't trust. Gotta get out," he was lost in his thoughts, completely unaware of the old man that stood in front of him and reaching out an ancient hand. But when that hand connected with his skin, Harry jumped into the air and panicked again.  
  
"No more-please. No more. Stop," he was feeling the scars burn all over again. Please, not now.  
  
'Fight it,' a voice said in the back of his head. 'This isn't you. You know these people. They would never hurt you.'  
  
"I have to fight. Not me," Harry snapped open his eyes and looked at Dumbledore questionably. His green eyes full of confusion.  
  
'Nobody'll ever want you boy! You're nothing but useless! Even your parents thought so.' Cold, merciless eyes.  
  
And without any warning, Harry slide down the wall and onto the cold floor. He pulled his knees to his chest and began rocking unsteadily back and forth. He was sobbing like a child and he felt more vulnerable then he had in his entire life. Why was he so weak at this moment? He had been able to keep it all inside before. This was unlike him in so many ways.  
  
'It's Voldermont. He always puts you on the edge and you know it,' said a nasty voice in the back of his head. He was so sick of it all and he cried harder.  
  
'Just leave me alone,' he said in his head.  
  
His body was shaking, rocking back and forth, aware of the many eyes that fell on him. He then felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around Harry and he didn't push them away.  
  
"Harry, come on, buddy. It's OK, now. Everything's going to be OK," Sirius's voice was the only thing that calmed Harry down. He buried his head in Sirius's shoulder, not wanting to move.  
  
"Come on, kiddo. Shh," Sirius was now holding him like a child. Harry could only cry more. Was this what it felt like to know you were loved? So relieved you were with them and away from harm that you cried until the tears wouldn't come anymore? Harry and Sirius sat like that for more then 20 minutes before Harry quieted down and wasn't crying anymore.  
  
Sirius shifted the body so that Harry's face was away from his shoulder. Harry noticed that everyone had left besides Hermoine and Ron.  
  
"Kiddo, you're safe. I swear, you're safe," Harry lifted his eyes towards Sirius and nodded. "Now, what happened?"  
  
Harry lowered his eyes and muttered something. Sirius lifted his chin.  
  
"What was that?" And it was then that Harry saw the tears stains on Sirius' cheeks.  
  
"I had a dream," Harry's voice sounded so soft that Sirius almost missed what he said a second time.  
  
"About Voldermont?" Harry nodded.  
  
"And Cedric. Sirius, he blames me. He hates me. I swear, I really didn't mean to get him killed. But I didn't know- and I should have. It's all my fault," Sirius sighed deeply at the crying Harry.  
  
"Harry, I want you to listen to me. Cedric died at the hands of Voldermont as a victim. Cedric knew nothing more then you did about that porkey. He knew that. I'm positive. And did the Diggory's blame you for his death?" Harry shook his head no.  
  
"It wasn't your fault," Sirius said quietly. Harry nodded slightly.  
  
"Sirius, Voldermont's going to kill someone close to me," Harry said quickly. Harry then felt a rush of panic. Right now, the worst one to kill would be Sirius. He was like a father. If Voldermont took Sirius now- Harry would definitely not go on. Sirius wiped away the tears on Harry's cheeks.  
  
"Hey, come on. You aren't actually thinking he might be targeting me, are you?" Harry didn't say anything. Sirius grinned. "He can try, but let me tell you, I'm not going anywhere," Sirius said still grinning. Harry almost let a grin escape his lips.  
  
"You promise?" Sirius ruffled the boy's raven hair and grinned broader is possible.  
  
"No matter what, I'll always be with you," And for the first time since the end of fourth year, Harry smiled.  
  
"You don't always have to be the hero, you know," Sirius said as they stood up off the cold floor. Harry wobbled for a moment before answering Sirius.  
  
"Without heroes, there's no hope, Sirius," Harry said. Sirius slung an arm around the boy.  
  
"But even heroes have to breath sometime," Sirius led Harry to the table where they sat.   
  
It was definitely his time to breath. The question was, would the world let him?  
  
"Harry?" a soft hand laid on Harry's arm and Harry broke away from his thoughts. Sirius was looking at him, concerned.  
  
"I love you, kiddo," Sirius said. Harry felt his heart leap. It was probably the first time he had heard someone say they loved him since his parents died. About 14 years.  
  
"I-" Harry felt some tears fall and he felt completely different then he had a couple of hours ago.  
  
" I love you too, Sirius."  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Wow. OK. Maybe that turkey got to my head, I dunno. But all this crying might be getting to my head. Is there a reason I'm almost crying?? LoL. PLEASE REVIEW!!! I ONLY GOT 4 REVIEWS LAST CHAPTER...IS THIS STORY GETTING WORSE??  
  
  
Karate Elf: I'm glad you read this story as your first!! Thanks for reviewing.  
  
Sam: Hey again! Please, don't kill Hermoine.....Yet.... Wait until later... you'll see. it is sad, isn't it? Ron and Hermoine are complete morons right now. Ginny is just Ginny. Don't worry, I won't tell her what u said. *wink*.  
  
Weird: Hey! I'm really sorry it's short again.... I'll try and post again this weekend if I can. Glad you still like the story!  
  
: I'm sorry! Didn't mean to confuse you...Hope you keep reading and it answers some of your questions soon! 


	11. Betrayed and alone

A/N: Yay! I got 8 reviews in like 3 days!!!! Thanks!!!!!  
Anyways, it's the end of my 4 day weekend. :(. I am not looking forward to going back to school tomorrow. *sigh*. I suppose it had to happen sometime.... Well, good news! I most likely can update next weekend!(look for it thursday or friday!)... I got half days!!!!! Whaoo!  
Well... heres a record! 2 chapters in the same weekend! Hope you like it!  
  
  
  
"You're probably right, Gin," Hermoine said in a soft whisper so that hardly either could hear. She lifted her tear stained face upwards.  
  
"But I knew Harry was getting hurt by his uncle since the beginning of the summer."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Ron looked as though she had slapped him. He whipped his head away from the window and stared at Hermoine in shock. Ginny's mouth dropped open but she remained silent. Ron's face was slowly turning red.  
  
"What did you say?" he growled. His temper was never slow to start, but lately his emotions had been on the edge because of what had happened to his best friend.   
  
"I-I said I knew," she whispered softly. Ron could make out the tears on her face even though it was mostly covered by her hair. But he brushed the image away, not feeling sorry for her in the least.  
  
"You knew? You knew! And you let him get hurt? What the hell is the matter with you?" Ron was screaming, almost lunging himself at Hermoine. He was just not in the right state of mind to deal with something like this at that time. Hermoine noticed his face was redder then she had ever seen it. Ginny must have noticed too.  
  
"Ron, sit down," Ginny said quietly. Her eyes were focused on the ground as if she knew what was going to happen because she spoke to her brother at a time like this. But Ron rounded on her next and didn't sit down. He seemed defiant to obey any commands given to him.  
  
"Did you know about this too? Did everybody know and just not do anything because they don't care about Harry? Did you think that just because Harry is Harry Potter that he can live forever? Well, newsflash, he almost died! AND YOU KNEW IT WAS HAPPENING THE WHOLE TIME?" Ron's eyes were flashing dangerously and he was practically asking for someone to challenge him as though he were wrong. Ginny looked slightly taken aback at her brother's anger. She had seen him angry plently of times. But this was the worst she'd seen yet.  
  
"I didn't know, Ron," Ginny said lower then a whisper. Ron, however took no notice of her words. He went to the wall and punched it, leaving a hole in its place. The only time he had ever been this angry was when Scabbers had supposivly died and Croshanks had "eaten" him. But even this surpassed his latter anger.  
  
"You and your stupid genious, Hermoine," Ron was still red with anger and a knock rung throughout the room. He, however, decided to ignore the knock and keep yelling at Hermoine.  
  
"You know that if it wasn't for Harry I'd still think you were stuck up? That's because you are! If it wasn't for Harry, we'd never be friends. And then, when you finally get friends, you find out that one is getting nearly killed and you just let him?" Ron was pacing the room angerily.  
  
"Ron-please, let me explain," Hermoine said quickly, but Ron, who was past rational thinking, turned to Hermoine in anger. His blue eyes blazing with hate.  
  
"I don't want to talk to you! Just stay away from me!" And with that, Ron took three long strides to the doorway and pushed past Fred and George who were standing in the door listening and down stairs and outside.  
  
Ginny was holding her head in her hands and Hermoine was sitting nervously on the bed trying to get the scrutinizing stares of Fred and George off of her.  
  
"Hermoine- you were suppose to be his friend," Hermoine's heart dropped at this. Ginny had lifted her head and was staring at what had been one of her best friends. Ginny's hands were shaking as terrible as her voice.  
  
"Ginny-please," But Ginny only shook her head. Her face was visibly pale contrasting strangely against her bright red hair.  
  
"You may have an excuse, Hermoine. But I can't talk to you right now. I need to think," Ginny then swept out of the room as her brother had and disappeared. Fred and George were staring at the girl, silent for once.  
  
"Maybe Ron was right. Maybe you never really cared for him," and with that, the twins exited the room with a slam of the door, leaving Hermoine alone and feeling like she betrayed the one who trusted her enough with a secret.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was dinner the next time they all met. Harry was sleeping on the couch. He usually ate when he woke up. Nobody seemed to want to wake the teenager from the sleep he had been deprived of for so long.  
  
Remus and Sirius were actually eating, though only a little. It was dead quiet at the table. Usually the teenagers would do all the talking. Tonight, none dared to sit near each other except the twins.  
  
Ron's eyes were still blazing, his face redder then usualy. Fred and George had an uncharacteristically anger surrounding them as well. Hermoine was only playing with her food, unable to eat because she was so upset. Ginny, as well could not eat.  
  
Remus, Dumbledore, Sirius, and Mr. and Mrs Weasly were making forced conversation out of them. They noticed how the teenagers had moved so none sat near each other. Then, none of them talked. They hadn't heard one joke from Fred and George all night.  
  
"What's the matter with you 5 of you?" Mrs. Weasly asked suddenly. Ron stood up angerily and made sure to not look at Hermoine. It was as though he had been waiting for a comment like that to make a exit.  
  
"Mum, make sure you don't leave Hermoine in a room alone with Harry. She might hurt him more," and with that he walked out into the night, slamming the door. Hermoine was holding her head on one of her hands tirdely.  
  
"What?" Remus was gazing between the teenagers confused. It was so unlike them to be so quiet. They were all used to the fights between Hermoine and Ron. But for all of them to be so angry at each other was more unlike them then them being quiet.  
  
"Why don't you ask the know-it all betrayer?" George's voice stung like a beesting. And it was enough for Hermoine. She fled the room in tears, still severly shaken by the events that had happened earlier that day. A few minutes later, Ginny also got up from the table rather shakily, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.  
  
"Mum, I'm sleeping in Ron's room tonight," and she followed her brother outside without another word or explanation.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hermoine didn't go upstairs were they had all expected her to flee to. She, instead, had gone to Harry's room, or better known as the living room. She gazed in at the frail body that seemed too vunerable and more unlike the Harry she knew then ever before.  
  
She pulled up and chair beside him and put her head in her hands. She remembered how she had found out. But she shook those images from her head. She felt the hot tears still falling as Harry stirred beside her.  
  
"He-rmione?" Hermoine turned her head towards Harry and then away again. She could hardly bare looking into those green eyes. They were far too trusting sometimes. Even if he hardly ever showed his trust.  
  
"I didn't mean to wake you up," she said softly. Harry coughed slightly and looked at Hermoine in surprise.  
  
"Why are you crying?" His head was titled slightly and Hermoine could see the faint bruises that still lined his face. She did this to him. She did this to him. Ron was right.  
  
"Harry, I'm so sorry," and Hermoine, not thinking she was able to stand more rejection that day fled the room without a second glance and headed upstairs. Harry sighed and let his head hit the pillow again. He had some idea what this was about.  
  
"Don't worry Hermoine," he whispered to the darkness. "I still don't blame you."  
  
And Harry drifted off to a sleep that turned to a nightmare.  
  
  
A/N: *sigh* They have issues. Ron's mad at Hermoine. Ginny's mad because she's confused. Fred and George hardly know anything except Hermoine betrayed Harry. Mrs. Weasly doesn't know why nobody was eating. Mr. Weasly is never home. Percy has terribly looking glasses. Sirius and Remus are almost annorexic(hehe...sorry) and Harry's just Harry. And Hermoine, she's blamed for everything, isn't she. Oh yeah, and Dumbledore.....well.....Dumbledore must be confused about everything. After all, he's suppose to know all and right now he has no idea what the teenagers problems are...I'm sensing control problems.  
Well, now that that's cleared up, how about thanking some people?  
  
Nicky: *grins sheepishly* uh, yeah. Sometimes I write these stories too fast and don't bother checking the spelling.. Sorry! That's a big problem for me. Anyways, the whole Dumbledore thing'll be explained in the next chapter. I didn't just land him there. Don't worry. Hope u stick around for the rest of the story!  
  
SiriDragon: *grins* Thanks!!! Hope this chapter was ok.  
  
Lei Dumbledore: Haha! Happeneds to me all the time. I'm very, ah, forgetful sometimes.... I can't believe I made you cry! I thought I was just high on turkey or something when I wrote it.....uh, no comment...Thanksgiving is just scary sometimes.. Yeah, being an American CAN have its advantages at times....Hope you like the rest of the story!!!   
  
Badger Lord: Wow! Another person I made cry! I'm so glad you don't think it's getting worse. I was getting worried last chapter... *winks* Hope you like this chapter!  
  
Heather: First timer, eh? And a crier at that! *laughs uncertainly* Uh, all this crying is starting to get weird.....I'm just kidding...Sort of. Anyways, gald u liked the story!!  
  
CokeFreak: Thanks! Hope you enjoy the rest! (BTW: Pepsi's better *winks*)  
  
Von: *grins evily* You neva know.....Things can happen....about how Hermoine knew I mean...Anyways, I gave ya more! Hope you enjoy!  
  
Icebox: (know the feeling.. You wanna review but just don't want to sign in...*sigh* happeneds a lot) Anyways, thanks!  
  
And there were some reviewers that reviewed some of my other chapters, but....*backs away quickly* I don't remember who you were.. SORRY! But I'm really glad you reviewed and I hope you read the rest of my story!!!! 


	12. When all days are full of darkness

A/N: *ducks flying tomatoes I know! It's taken a lot longer than you or even I expected and I'm really really sorry. I've been ssoo busy lately. I had all-county band tryouts, auditions for the school play, about a bizillon tests, and now I found out I'm failing math. So that means if I don't pass this semester, I'll get in major trouble and my writing time will be cut by 2/3rds. *shakes head* I'm getting really sick of school. And now my whole family is in a big fight and I'm not allowed to talk to my grandparents anymore.....well, on with the story!!!!  
OH! AND READ MY AUTHORS NOTE AT THE BOTTOM FOR AN ANNOUNCEMENT!  
  
  
  
Harry was falling. He tried to find a way to stop, but he was too weak. He kept falling for what seemed like forever. He strained his eyes to see what his surroundings looked like, but he was going too fast.  
  
Finally, he landed with a 'thump' on the hard ground. He groaned softly to himself and lifted his body off the ground.  
  
He began walking towards a cabin. It was surrounded by trees and flowers. It enchanted him, and it was as though he was drawn to it. He walked slowly towards the cabin, slowly and quietly.   
  
Finally, he reached the doorway and he took a deep breath. Not exactly knowing why, Harry knocked on the door in front of him. It was silent inside the cottage for a little. And then he heard laughter getting closer. Harry hardly had time to think before the door flew open and an older looking Harry stood in front of him.  
~~  
  
A scream woke Sirius up the next morning. He bolted out of bed and ran to Harry's room. The sight he saw made his heart sink deep into his chest.  
  
Madam Pomfrey was the one who had screamed. And a deathly pale Harry laid underneath her, as she was checking his pulse. He had heard her scream Dumbledore's name who appeared instantly. Sirius shook his head slightly, wondering how he knew how to come.  
  
"What's the matter Poppy?" Dumbledore asked. His voice as lower and the most serious he had ever heard it besides after the 3rd task.  
  
"He isn't breathing, Albus," Sirius's eyes immediately widened and he felt a pile of weights fall onto his chest painfully. He choked out a breath and stared at the boy. His green eyes no longer visible, his pale skin as white as a ghost and his black hair still stook up where ever it could.  
  
"No," he said loudly. He rushed forward and grabbed Harry's hand. He was forcing the tears back in frustration. He was too angry to be sad.  
  
"NO! Harry! You can't die! You can't die," Sirius felt for a pulse and found none. He collapsed by the side of Harry's bed, holding his hand still and crying on the boy's chest.  
  
"Not now, Harry. Please, not now."  
~~~  
  
  
The man in front of Harry immediately stopped laughing and stared at him as Harry was staring at the man. Blue eyes met green and immediately, Harry took a step back.  
  
"Oh my- Harry?" a lady with long red hair and green eyes stepped into view. She had the same eyes as Harry.  
  
Suddenly, Harry felt angry. Angrier than he had ever felt in his life. How dare they impersonate his dead parents? He knew his parents were dead. It must be a trick of Voldemorts. Well, now he had really pushed the wrong buttons.  
  
The man and woman walked forward, and Harry stumbled backwards, eyes flashing.  
  
"Don't touch me," he said dangerously as the man stretched out a hand.  
  
"Harry?" The man's eyes were so confused looking. Harry looked away into the eyes of the woman and immediately melted. Those eyes were exactly the same as his. He could hardly surpress a sob as his heart contracted painfully in his chest.  
  
"Who are you?" he whispered quietly. They seemed to be woken from a trance as the man spoke.  
  
"I'm James Potter, and this is Lily Potter," he said softly. Harry's eyes narrowed.   
  
"You can't be," he said dangerously. "Lily and James died 14 years ago." Their faces looked expressionless.  
  
"We are dead, Harry," the man said. His face looked concerned. Harry then felt his confusion and anger turn to realization.  
  
Lifting a hand in front of his face, he realized all his bruises were gone, even those that Madam Pompfry had told them she could not heal. He took a steady deep breath.  
  
"I'm dead," he said softly. He closed his eyes and distantly heard a cry in his head.  
  
"NO! HARRY! NO!!" He snapped his eyes open in horror as he stared at his parents. That had been Sirius screaming.  
  
"Harry," his mother rushed forward and grabbed her son in a hug. Caught by surprise, Harry hugged her back hesitantly. His mother let go and held him by the shoulders, looking him in the eye.  
  
"Harry," her voice was soft and regretful. "You're not suppose to be here. You aren't suppose to die."  
  
His father's eyes darkened for a moment as Harry turned away. He knew he wasn't suppose to die, but he was just so tired of living.   
  
"I must defeat Voldemort?" His parents lowered their heads and he sighed deeply. His life would not end so easily. He must have to go through more torture.  
  
"You are the only one, Harry," his father said breaking away his thoughts. He lifted his head, his green eyes darkened and lifeless.  
  
"What must I do?" (haha! I know that's from the LOTR movie, but it....oh never mind... it just seemed to fit.) His mothers eyes filled with unnesscary tears.  
  
"Know we love you always, Harry. And we'll be waiting for you," she hugged him a last time. His father stepped forward and hugged him as well.  
  
"Don't ever give in, Harry. You must be strong for the world," his eyes were full of remorse and pain, and Harry felt an urge to end it all so they wouldn't hurt anymore.  
  
"I give you this amulet, Harry. It was mine in life, and now yours. It will protect you, or the person who is wearing it, once. And only once, remember that Harry. For whoever uses it shall be spared from death. use it wisely and not as a fool," his mother clasped the small white amulet in his shaking hand and closed it.  
  
"I don't want to go back," he sobbed. He grabbed hold of his mothers cloak and clung desperatly on. The thought of going back was the worst thing imaginable. "Please, don't make me go back!" he nearly screamed, and he knew he sounded like a 5 year old, but he wanted nothing more than to be rid of the pain and be with his parents who he'd never known.  
  
He felt a pair of strong hands pull him back and he was soon staring into the eyes of his father. He brushed away Harry's tears softly and pushed back his hair from his forehead.  
  
"You're our son, and we love you with all our hearts. Please, don't make the mistake of giving up on the world. They need you so much, Harry. And we will be waiting for you when you return," Harry felt his head fall into his fathers chest.  
  
"I-" his mother put a finger to his lips as she began to hum her song. Tears fell down his cheeks gently as he listened softly to her voice.  
  
"I love you," he said softly. And even though he couldn't see them, he knew they were smiling.  
  
  
"We are always watching and loving you, my child," and with a last glance at his parents, he disappeared back into pain.  
~~~~  
  
A thunderous amount of feet came rumbling down the stairs. Sirius took no notice, however as he mumble incoherent things under his breath.  
  
"It's all my fault," he said quietly as the people entered the room, drowning out his voice. Harry was the last chance he had at a family. He was one of the only ones that still didn't cringe at the sight of him.  
  
'Damn, those muggles,' he thought savagely. His eyes burned with unimaginable hate. 'They'll wish they'd never laid a hand on Harry by the time I'm through with them.'  
  
But he could only stare at the boy who was turning colder and paler by the minute. His green eyes were no longer visible, but Sirius knew what he would see. Pain, hurt, and sometimes trust. How could a boy still trust after all that had happened to him?  
  
'He's never known anything other than what he grew up with.' Sirius sighed inwardly. How often had this happened to his godson?  
  
He laid his head down on his godson's chest. It was no longer rising and falling, but deathly still. He gasped for air as he suddenly realized that he had nobody left.  
  
A cold shiver crept down his back.  
  
And the tears were stopped.  
  
And he felt absolutely nothing. The pain had gnawed away at his heart so badly he had nothing else to feel. He felt a bitter laugh escape his throat as he continued to keep his head down. Half-conciously, he felt all eyes on him as the chatter died away. They must had heard him laugh.  
  
'Let them think I'm crazy,' he thought dully. He lifted his head enough so that he could gaze at the boy's face, feeling as though he had just lost the last piece of family he had had.  
  
He stroked the boy's hair, humming the all to familiar song by Lily.   
  
  
When all the days are  
  
full of darkness  
  
trust in me, oh baby  
  
don't you see?  
  
I'm always gonna be there  
  
never gonna leave ya  
  
  
Close your eyes, precious  
  
don't let the day get you down.  
  
Hold your head up, high.  
  
Don't let the tears pull you in  
  
Love is always with you  
  
No matter the distance.  
  
  
Rain clouds can cloud the sun  
  
but tomorrow, they'll be gone.  
  
Don't let rain get you down,  
  
but instead, why don't we dance?  
  
  
Close your eyes, precious  
  
don't let the day get you down.  
  
Hold your head up, high.  
  
Don't let the tears pull you in  
  
Love is always with you  
  
No matter the distance.  
  
  
Oh, my child  
  
My precious, forever.  
  
  
Sirius stroked his hair again, and gasped.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: *sigh* For some reason, I feel incredibly bad for Sirius right now. And again, I'm really really sorry about this taking so long. I've just been so busy. Hope the song wasn't 2 terrible...lol.. It took me all of 10 minutes to write so I won't be surprised if I go back to read it tomorrow and I regret it...  
  
Thank you so much to those who reviewed!!!!!  
  
But before I get to thanking all those wonderful magnificent splendid people who reviewed my story, I'd like to make my big announcement that really isn't my original idea but I thought it was a really cool idea so I'm gonna use it....just 2 letcha all know so I don't get in trouble...  
  
TO THE 100TH REVIEWER, YOU GET A STORY WRITTEN BY ME ABOUT ANYTHING UNDER THESE CONDITIONS:  
  
1. Absolutely no slash. No offense, but I just don't write those kind of stories.  
2. No Snape= Harry's father.  
  
That's about it. So, lucky reviewers. You want a story written by me???? REVIEW!!!!  
  
And now on to the thanks for last chapters reviewers:  
  
SiriDragon: Glad you like my story!! Hehe. Only somewhat??? I hope you still like my story after this chapter. The song I just wrote in like 10 minutes.......  
  
Dominey: Thanks!! And I'll keep writing...  
  
Lei Dumbledore: Thank you! Haha. I know how it is, I have a lot of little cousins. They seem to always want to use the computer when I do. ;) Hope you liked this chapter!  
  
Dani-loves-Sirius-Black: *grins evily* I'm bad, I know. I really shouldn't keep you guys suspended with that. I promise, it'll be in one of the next few chapters...but I will tell ya eventually. Don't worry.  
  
Kanzer: *sigh* I hate making Hermoine seem like she's the one with all the blame. I hope my explanation in later chapters is a good one..  
  
Sirens*echo: teenage drama! I never heard that one before!! Lol. And your pretty close to figuring out how Hermoine knew. Keep guessing and you're bound to get it. And you'll find out about Remus's and Sirius's reactions when they find out Hermoine knew... *backs up slightly* Sirius has a very bad temper.  
  
weird: Hey again! Things will be explained, don't worry. Until then, hope you enjoy the coming chapters...  
  
: the whole couples thing is still up for decsion. Honestly, I hate making those kind of decsion by myself. I'll be having a poll for characters next chapter. *sigh* I don't know if I could make Sirius die. That would depress the story so much I don't know if I could continue. But I can't make any promises to anything, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see.  
  
malones: LoL. I'm impatient, too. I know how it is with cliffy's. Sorry this took so long.  
  
Jordyana: *smiles* I sometimes feel like just stopping the story I feel so bad for Harry. But things will get better. I have a tendency to make people cry.....should I be telling people this?! Haha. Well, anyways, I'm really honored to have you put me on your favorites list *blushes* all my work?.... Wow. And I hope you continue your story as well...   
  
Saliorgurl: thank you!!  
  
And there are some who reviewed other chapters, so I think I'll include them:  
  
Inscriffany(chapter 10): I know, I know. Major characters, need to spell them right. I've gotten this before, and honestly, I do try and catch them, but usually it's late at night when I post.. So I glance through but I'm not really paying attention. I'm sorry about that and I'll try to catch those kind of things. Hope you liked the story anyhow.  
  
ichigopocky(chapter10): yay! I'm so glad you like it so much(or should I say luv??).. thanks so much for reading this!  
  
callas-and-ivy(chapter 7): *sigh* If only I could say I've never experienced, or seen the abuse of someone. Unfortunately, emotional abuse as well as sexual harassment are no strangers to me. My family isn't perfect, and a lot of the feelings Harry gets (loneliness, depression, unable to trust, emptiness) that's just me talking. But it isn't completely me either. For I haven't been physically abused myself. But sometimes other wounds hurt just as bad...... Ok, sorry about that. LoL. Got carried away. And yes, I wish NO ONE ever had to go through what Harry does... Unfortunately, it happeneds to more than I could ever know, every day. And thank you so much for your comments. They made my day. :) I hope you like the rest of my story. 


	13. Return of the hero an feelings of the pa...

A/N: Hey everyone! Guess what!!!!!!!!!!!  
Chapter 13!!!! 13's my favorite number!!!! Yay!!! *cough* right..... so, I decided that since it had been so long for the last chapter to be posted, I'd post another this weekend. If all goes well, tomorrow I should have posted the 12th chapter of "Dark Shadows" too. Well, off to the story!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**"True courage is not the brutal force of vulgar heroes, but the firm resolve of virtue and reason."  
~Whitheead**  
  
  
**"Sorry about that," said Ron, his face reddening with anger. "Should've realized you didn't want to be disturbed. I'll let you get on with practicing for your next interview in peace."  
  
"Harry seized one of the POTTER REALLY STINKS badges off of the table and chucked it as hard as he could, across the room. It hit Ron on the forehead and bounced off."  
  
"There you go," Harry said. "Something for you to wear on Tuesday. You might even have a scar now, if you're lucky...That's what you want, isn't it?"  
  
~Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire**  
  
  
  
**"Sirius looked at him, eyes full of concern, eyes that had not yet lost the look that Azkaban had given them-that deadened, haunted look. He had let Harry talk himself into silence without interruption....."  
~Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire**  
  
  
  
  
Harry's green eyes had shot open, his chest rising and falling quickly. His breaths were rapid and shallow, as he seemed to be trying to catch his breath. He then began coughing uncontrollably as Madam Pomfrey rushed forward, and began placing spells on him, as Sirius watched on in amazement.  
  
After a few moments, the bustle was over, and Madam Pomfrey was staring at Harry in astonishment as he fingered something in his hands. Everyone in the room remained silent, staring at the green eyed boy.  
  
"I'm fine," he said, turning his eyes upwards. Sirius caught a glimpse of tears in the boy's eyes and stroked his hair quietly. His godson averted his attention back to him, a look of confusion and amazement etched across his features.  
  
"You should be dead, Harry. You weren't breathing!" Harry heard Hermoine jab Ron in the ribs, but he wasn't paying attention to them. His gaze was fixed on Sirius, the uttermost confusion covering his eyes.  
  
"Harry, what's wrong?" Harry closed his eyes momentarily, then opened them back up. He looked at Sirius for a few minutes.  
  
"Sirius, don't leave me," Sirius saw tears ready to fall from his eyes, and Sirius grasped the small hand into his. Sirius felt his heart begin to crush as the boys voice sounded so much like a child's.  
  
"Harry, I promised you already I would never leave," he rubbed the raven boys hand, but he didn't seem content. "What's bothering you?"  
  
"I saw my parents," Sirius's eyes widened in shock.  
  
"What did you say?"  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ron couldn't fall asleep. No matter how hard he tried, sleep just wouldn't allow him peace for the night.  
  
In a burst of frustration, Ron threw off his covers and angrily stomped to the bathroom. He turned on the water and threw cold water on his pale face. He looked up into the mirror, and sighed.  
  
His blue eyes (I'm not exactly sure what color his eyes are in the books, and I'm sorry if blue isn't it, but it's not real important) were blazing with anger that still hadn't left his body. Ron had the true temper of a red-head; it was fierce and could last for months. His normally calm hair was sticking out whichever way it could, reminding him of Harry for a moment. He cracked a grin as he imagined himself with a scar as well.   
  
The grin immediately faded and was replaced by a darkened look that brought out the anger in his eyes more than before.  
  
His friend asked for nothing. Nothing. Not the fame, not the money, not the looks. Harry was everything Ron wasn't, and that was the biggest jealously Ron had ever felt in his entire life.  
  
He felt his anger rise even more if possible. How could all of this happened to them? To Harry?  
  
He was suppose to be their hero. A savior, to some. But he wasn't suppose to be human. The wizarding and muggle world lay upon his shoulders just because of some stupid scar. Ron shook his head in confusion.  
  
He tried to be angry at everyone. Hermoine, Fudge, his parents, Fred, George, Dumbledore, Voldemort, Sirius, Remus.... But it all ended up the same way. Ron could never be angrier at anyone besides himself.  
  
He blamed himself for most of what had happened. If he had been the friend he was suppose to be, he would have figured it out.  
  
Now it was too late.  
  
He slammed his fist into the sink in front of him. There were so many spells for pointless things and none for the most important things. Like making bad memories disappear; making pain leave.  
  
But the memories would never leave. Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, was abused for most of his life.  
  
And those that he swore to protect, that he was expected to protect, didn't bother to make sure their hero was ok.  
  
Why would a hero need help anyways, right? Even if he is 15 years old he should be able to take care of himself, right? Just because he's a hero?  
  
Ron sighed and slid to the floor, head in hands. He didn't understand anything anymore. How were things suppose to turn out ok when it hurt so much?  
  
A moment later, someone screamed.  
~~~~~~  
  
Ginny was staring out the window, the twinkling stars above her taunting her.  
  
Charlie's room had always been a sanctuary for her in the past couple of years, since he had moved out. He had probably the most secluded room in the whole house; so secluded, it was almost unbearably lonely. But at times like these that she had to take time to think.  
  
Although she had said she would be sleeping in Ron's room, she knew neither of them wanted to be around others. It was at times like these that she wondered what was going to happen to her.  
  
Tears were freely sliding down her freckled cheeks. She swept them away quickly as though on fire. Being the only girl in the family, caused her to always be the most sensitive and she hated it. But her brothers would always treat her as though she were china that could break at any moment.  
  
She wasn't sure who she was mad at, if anyone. She wasn't talking to Ron, nor Fred and George, or Hermoine. And perhaps that would be enough reason for a 14-year old girl to stay up late into the night, crying, and not able to sleep.  
  
But what was keeping this girl up was the pounding realization of something far worse than a feud between friends. It was the truth, a secret drawn out of someone who she had thought she had loved, that caused the tears and pain.  
  
Harry, her hero, her crush, was now being seen in a different light. What bothered Ginny the most, was she didn't know why she was in love with him in the first place.  
  
Was it because of his looks? She shook her head irritably. No matter what Harry thought, the whole female population was in love with him. And not all because of his scar. But because, he really wasn't bad looking at all. She just hoped she wasn't that shallow.  
  
His personality? She wanted this to be her answer. But she hardly knew him other than him being her brother's best friend. He was nice, but they had never really talked. How would she be able to tell what his personality was if she didn't even know him?  
  
Perhaps it was the scar? She cringed inwardly, knowing this was probably her answer, no matter how much she hated herself for it. He had been her hero ever since she heard the story for the first time.  
  
So did she really love Harry Potter after all? Or did she love the Boy-Who-Lived?  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Hum de dum....*yawn*  
OK, OK.   
I HAVE ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!  
I NEED ALL THE REVIEWERS TO TELL ME IN THEIR REVIEWS WHO THEY THINK THE COUPLE PAIRINGS SHOULD BE!!!!!  
  
  
Harry/Hermoine--I think their cute together, but it's up to you guys.  
  
Harry/Ginny-- I used to not like this pairing, but recently it seems sweet.. Kinda akward relationship, if you think about it though. Ginny hardly knows Harry and is in 'love' with him.....  
  
Harry/New Character---I know, I know what your all thinking and before you skip this and choose the one of the others, just think about it ok? If I promise her not to be a Mary-Sue...I mean, adding a new character could ruin the story, but it could make it better too.  
  
Harry/Cho--but please please please please don't make me do this pairing. For some reason, after the tournament and since she's a year older, this just seems too weird... And I just don't like her character all that well... But I guess if ya'll want me to write it I will....If I have to *mutters darkly*  
  
Ron/Hermoine--this would distance Harry farther from his two friends....It would probably limit the trio's time together....  
  
Ron/Lavender-...it could happen.......  
  
  
Hermione/Krum--same as Cho/Harry. This just doesn't seem like it could work but I suppose if enough people want to keep the whole trio as just friends, this could be a pairing to keep it that way...Isn't   
Krum like 3 years older though?  
  
Hermoine/Ron-already mentioned  
  
Hermoine/Harry-already mentioned  
  
Hermoine/Neville-another pairing to keep trio together  
  
Hermoine/Seamus--.........  
  
Hermoine/Snape--............JUST KIDDING!!!!!!  
  
Hermoine/Dean-.......  
  
  
  
  
Right... So, we gotta pick one Hermoine, one Ron, one Harry pairing. Think we can handle this??? LoL. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!  
  
  
Thanks to chapter 12 reviewers:  
  
  
sew2100: *blushes* thank you so much! And I agree Harry needs someone to love right now...And thanks again!!! Your review really encouraged me!   
  
  
White Owl: thanks!!!  
  
  
Jordyana: Thanks again! *sigh* Sirius needs to get over Azkaban as much as Harry needs to get over the Dursley's. Sirius and Harry's relationship (as in godfather, godson kind of thing) is really what I think is gotta be strong and main part of this story. Harry needs a daddy-like guy. I guess I'm just not sure I write good stuff.....thanks though! I didn't know I could write poems and songs good... LoL. I actually found a song in my notebook that I wrote that would have gone perfectly with this story... Ah well. it's too late for that.. Hehe... Hope you liked this chapter  
  
  
LittleEar BigEar's sis: *grins* he was dead! But I brought him back... That amulet thing's gonna be important in the story, so just remember that. *wink wink*. Oh, and I love your idea for that story. It definitely sounds like something I'd be up to writing.. Unfortunately, it might not be possible to write until summer... Sorry :(. Time is just limited with school and such.. Plus, maintaining 2 stories is hard enough. Once I'm finished with one of these stories, I'll try my best to start off that story. How does that sound? And maybe if your lucky, you'll be the 100th reviewer, and I'll have to start it right now!!! LoL. Anyways, thanks so much! And I did hurry with this chapter!!!!! 


	14. The angel of his nightmares

A/N: Yay!!! *dances around happily* I'm so proud! 3 chapters up in a week!!!!   
*grins* This is one of my favorite chapters. I don't know, I guess its because I finally figured out who Harry's gonna be placed with. *sighs* I know, I really should have waited for more votes to come in.... *ducks tomatoes* but I just had this feeling that everyone was gonna vote for the couple I'm using anyways so I might as well post this.... I like what everyone chose anyways... Sorry to those who wanted differently..... But remember, the 100TH REVIEWER GETS A STORY OF THEIR CHOICE!  
  
  
It was cold. Freezing cold and there was nothing to cover himself with. Harry shivered violently as he opened his eyes.  
  
He was back at the Dursley's. He nearly screamed in shock, his weakened body struggling against an unknown force keeping him in the corner.  
  
"BOY!" Harry's eyes widened. 'Oh God, no. Please, God, no,' Harry thought. But they were soon interrupted as a large man now entered into the room, swinging the door open as hard as he could and came stomping over to the small boy.  
  
"What the hell do you think your doing waking me up?" spit connected with Harry's eye and he lifted a hand to wipe it away. Instead, a large hand grabbed his wrist painfully and forced to boy to hit himself in the face. Harry screamed as his wrist cracked. His uncle, was grinning like a maniac, his eyes gleaming in triumphant.  
  
"Where's your godfather now, boy?" a punch was delivered to his stomach as those eyes bore into him. No, no, no. He wasn't suppose to be here! Harry kicked and screamed, trying to get away from his uncle frantically.  
  
Red eyes were now staring at him. Harry stared definitely back, his body still contracting with sobs.  
  
"You won't ever get away from me, Harry Potter! Not when you can't even beat a muggle!" Harry tried to get away from the red eyes. The eyes of Voldemort. He tried speaking, but no words came out. Voldemort began laughing. His laugh ringing loudly in his ears. And then-  
  
"Kill the spare."  
  
"Boy! You stupid, worthless-" his uncle again. What was going on? Another punch. Harry felt hot tears spring to his eyes.  
  
"Sirius! Sirius! Why aren't you here?" his heart pounded painfully in his chest as he reached out a battered hand, in an attempt to reach someone's hand. "Why did you leave me? You promised!" He cried. Distantly, he heard someone screaming his name.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hermoine heard the screams. First there was Madam Pomfrey. Harry, her Harry, had almost died.   
  
In the rush of minutes that had passed, she felt so completely alone, that she didn't know what to do. And when she had looked over at Ron, for some reason, it almost seemed like they were friends again. But then he turned away angrily and she was left alone again.  
  
She didn't know when she had started liking Harry. Maybe it had been her 2nd year. Maybe even her first. After he had willingly gone down and faced Voldemort, she had truly seen who he was.  
  
But she remembered how in their third year, she had gotten him angry at her. It had been the most terrible thing for her, being alone.  
  
She shook her head as she stared at the pictures in front of her. How had he gone through life so alone? She wiped a lonely tear away from her eyes.   
  
She stared at a picture of the trio together as they waved at the camera. She brushed a finger over the waving Harry in desperate attempt to understand. "Oh, Harry," she said out loud. "How could I have been so stupid?"  
  
Hermoine had heard the second screams of the day. Harry was having nightmares again. The whole house had run down to his room again. But Hermoine didn't dare go down again. Her heart hurt badly enough. She couldn't bare to see him so helpless, so scared. His eyes, those green eyes that used to bear a thousand emotions now were empty. More tears fled down her cheeks.  
  
She flipped the page to a picture of Harry and Sirius, Sirius's arm over his shoulders protectively. Hermoine shuddered at the thought of the first time they had all met. Harry had never been to angry. And even though she may never admit it, Hermoine had been really scared of her best friend at that moment. He looked ready to kill, ready to take out all his pain on the one person who he thought had inflicted it all.  
  
And now it was hard to see how Harry could have hated him. Sirius was always by his godson's side, ready to risk everything to protect the emerald eyed boy.  
  
Hermoine placed the pictures next to her bedside and closed her eyes, trying to block out the loud noises ensuing from below.   
  
"Oh, Harry. Please wake up," she sobbed. And at that moment, she fell into a dream-like state.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Hermoine looked around anxiously, as though expecting to see someone, or something.  
  
The room she was in, was cold. She pulled her arms around her chest and closed her eyes, knowing where she was.  
  
She was in Harry's room. Like so many times during the summer, she had been in this very room countless nights, crying and trying to block out the images that happened before her. But now she was back.  
  
Harry was curled in a ball, as Vernon kept hitting him. She watched horrified. Harry was suppose to be safe! What was going on?  
  
She tensed as he began calling out for Sirius. Unable to make out his exact words, she could only tell this was a dream. And she had to wake him up or he could be hurt worse than he already was. She walked forward, concentrating on the image that sat curled in a ball in front of her.  
  
She reached out a hand and it went right through Vernon and brushed back the raven hair that hung in Harry's eyes. He looked up suddenly at her and reached out his hand to touch her. He was hesitant to finally touch, but did eventually and smiled shyly.  
  
She placed herself in front of the raging uncle and Harry and felt the blows knock her down. She ran a hand over Harry's face as he looked at her in horror.  
  
"Wake up, my Harry. Wake up."  
  
And Harry vanished, but Hermoine continued to feel a couple more punches before she too, was gone.  
  
  
A/N: *jumps around* I'm so happy for Harry! Not because of the dream, or anything... But because he's gonna finally understand Hermoine loves him!!!! Oh, and if anybody's reading this, yes, I have begun to tell you how Hermoine knew what was going on during the summer. Don't worry, if this chapters confusing, the next one will, I think, finally explain the whole Hermoine and Harry summer mess thing.  
  
HavenKane: *sigh* I'm sorry! I know that you wanted a Harry/Ginny story. But it doesn't seem like everyone else agrees with you....Sorry!!! I hope you don't hate the story now...... And thanks so much for reviewing!  
  
Sakura-Hikaru: thanks!   
  
Hermoine Granger-Potter: hehe. I can tell by your name who you wanted. ;) thanks for the review!  
  
kat: I know. :( Ron has been awful mean to Hermoine. But don't worry, this is now H/H I think. And Ginny wasn't exactly depressed, but more of confused and angry at herself. thank you so much for your review! And I'll continue to email you when I update.  
  
Naia: thank-you! I know, Ron didn't have a lot of choices... I mean he can't be paired up with his sister, that's just wrong. And now that Harry's gonna be with Hermoine, he's got.... Lavender... LoL. Not that she's bad. But your right, the whole Divination thing'll have to be put aside for this to work.  
  
Jordyana: Thanks!!! Yeah, I was thinking along those lines earlier. But than I really wondered how Harry could love if he didn't trust the person. I mean, Hermoine or Ginny are hte closest to him. And Hermoine-for some reason, she just seems to fit in this story. Sorry..... And thanks so much! I updated really quick this time, huh? 


	15. Tears of pearls

A/N: Hey guys. This chapters really weird, and I'm sorry that this took so long.... I had expected it to be up over the weekend, but it was just too messed up with everything that had happened.  
  
*** This chapter is dedicated to all those who were aboard the Columbia and their families. I can't even imagine what they must be feeling right now. I just want them to know their in my mind and heart. ***  
  
  
  
  
Harry choked in an effort to regain oxygen in his lungs, which were now burning for air. He coughed violently as he felt tears slide down his pale face. He flinched as he realized someone was holding him. He pulled his body away from the other person and drew his knees to his chest.  
  
The air now was flowing steadily through his body as his heart started to beat rhythmically again. The beating of his heart pounded in his ears as he closed his eyes and blocked everything out in front of him.  
  
Distantly, he could hear his godfather talking to him and he pulled his body away from everyone else to the window. He stared out at the scenery, tears still falling freely down his cheeks, no longer caring if anyone saw or not.  
  
No matter how far away he was from the man that called himself his uncle, no matter how long it had been, he would be haunted for the rest of his life. He rested his head against the cool glass, his burning head piercing his skin.  
  
He felt Sirius touch his shoulder and he didn't flinch this time. The boy turned around, eyes thoroughly defeated.  
  
"What's the matter, kid?" Harry lowered his head onto Sirius's shoulder. Sirius stroked his hair quietly for a few moments before Harry lifted his head and stared straight into Sirius's eyes. He couldn't bear loosing him, he was like a father. And yet, at the same time, he couldn't make Sirius feel the pain he himself had. Nobody should ever have to feel like he did.  
  
He looked away and pulled himself into a lonely corner. Why was everyone crowded into the room staring at him? He shivered.  
  
"Are you cold Harry?" Mrs. Weasly's hand connected with his shoulder and he jumped away, eyes flashing. She immediately looked upset and he felt a burning rise inside him. A feeling he knew he'd never felt before. He glared at everyone in the room and his eyes connected with Dumbledore's. They looked at each other, comparing emotions. Dumbledore looked startled as Harry shot him a look to leave him alone.   
  
He whipped around as Sirius walked up behind him. Harry felt a part of him crying out for someone to stop what was happening to him. A feeling of hate and pain surged through his body controling everything he was doing.   
  
But a burning sound rang through his ears. The voice of Cedric that haunted his ears every time he closed his eyes for sleep. 'Murderer.'  
  
"Stay away from me," he said loudly. His voice was filled with venom, hated pouring from every inch of his body. He hated himself more than anything at that moment. All the pain ever bestowed upon him has always been his fault.   
  
"Harry stop-" But before Dumbledore could finish his sentence, Harry threw a hand out and with a wave, his headmaster was thrown into a wall.  
  
Immediately, Harry regretted it. Guilt stung his heart and he reached out a hand as if wishing his headmaster was all right, but a voice stung him like a thousand daggers beside him.  
  
"Don't touch him, murderer."  
  
"Cedric?" Gray eyes, still lifeless as they had been after the graveyard, penetrated his soul.  
  
"You heard me murderer. You've hurt enough people. Stay away from these people. Nobody deceives the pain you inflict upon people." Harry stared at him, disbelief written all over his face.  
  
"Don't believe me? Well, you should. People are going to die because of you. People you care about, people that are innocent. People like me, that were too young to die and yet, we do. Because you don't save us. Why didn't you save me, Harry? Why did you hate me so much?"  
  
"No-Cedric, please!"   
  
"Murderer-"  
  
"Cedric! I swear! I'm so sorry!" Cedric's voice echoed long after he disappeared. Harry shook, violent sobs shaking his whole body.  
  
"It's all my fault, I'm so sorry."  
  
And for the first time in his life, Harry wished he had never been born.  
  
  
A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed last chapter.  
Tiger Lily: thank you!!! and thanks so much for reviewing  
  
Amy: thank you---and i'm gonna try to update sooner  
  
LittleEar BigEar's Sis: *blushes* thanks, and i really do like your idea, and i can't wait to write it... unfortunatly, school takes up a lot of my time that i'd rather spend writing. your so lucky to be home-schooled!!!! LoL. Maybe you'll be the next contest winner.....  
  
Sakura-Hikaru: Hehe.... I guess your glad for the H/Hr pairing?? I'm sorry this is all so confusing.....I hope I'm not scaring people off because it's so weird.... anyways, thanks for your review and hope you liekd this chapter  
  
Jordyana: LoL. I tried! I really did, but it just didn't work out... Sorry, I'll try and update sooner.... thank you!!! Your reviews make me so happy :) Hope you liked this chapter  
  
kat: thanks!! I know, I love Harry and Sirius in a father-like way... and now you know how Harry reacts... ;)  
  
Centra-gal86: *cringes* A lot of people have been telling me their confused... I'm really sorry about that. I'm really gonna try to get the next chapter out... This is gonna hopefully stop all the confusion.... and it is H/Hr... ;) hope you liked this chapter  
  
sew20001: thank you!! and I HAVE STARTED YOUR STORY!!! LoL. Just thought you'd like to know... I'm liking the way this is going, too. And if you haven't already seen, I've sent an email about some questions on the story....Just so I'm not confused while writing it.  
  
HavenKane: ah, don't worry about signing in. LoL.... I can totally see how Hermoine and Snape weren't meant to be together.... *shudders* that just scares me when people put them together for some reason....Glad you like the story... :) thanks for reviewing!!  
  
  
PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW!!!! THEY MAKE ME UPDATE SOONER!!! 


	16. Answers long awaited

A/N: Wow. *ducks all flying objects.* I am SO bad! I'm sooooo sorry. I really tried to get this chapter out a lot sooner. But it got really complicated and I wanted to give ya'll a long chapter for once. And I spent a lot of time on it, trying to make it better. I really wanted to answer your questions in this chapter, at least a lot of them. But, beware, yes this chapter contains....mild swearing....well, it isn't like you haven't heard the words anyways.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. nada. Except maybe the plot.  
~~~  
"None of us knows what the next change is going to be, what unexpected opportunity is just around the corner, waiting a few months or a few years to change all the tenor of our lives."   
-Kathleen Norris, Hands Full of Living   
  
"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."   
-William Jennings Bryan   
  
"It is to be remarked that a good many people are born curiously unfitted for the fate waiting them on this earth."   
-Joseph Conrad, Chance   
  
"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."   
-William Shakespeare   
~~~~~~~  
  
  
The office was strangely subdued, the normal atmosphere vanished as a unique quietness filled the air.  
  
Albus Dumbledore watched the small glass-like figure on his desk closely. It was a shimmering glass plate, the middle filled with a blue smoke that rose above the plate gently. The smoke shone over the headmasters face a very erie mask covering him. He watched the plate for a few minutes before opening his parched lips.  
  
"Harry Potter," he whispered. The old wizard watched with sad blue eyes as an image of a boy of 15 swarmed in front of him. Weary green eyes shone out from a head of raven black hair. The boy had grown over the summer despite the horrible treatment bestowed upon him by his uncle.   
  
It was something that never should have happened. And despite all the precautions that Albus had taken over the years, he had overlooked the safety inside the boy's own home. How he wish he had know.  
  
But none of the mistreatment was visible as the boy sat with his back against a tree. His eyes were half-closed. For a moment, the boy seemed almost peaceful. But his eyes refused to shut, refuse to let down their guard. They darted open at the sudden movement of wind beside him. Dumbledore watched as he calmed himself back down and sighed deeply. An old weary expression crossed the raven-haired boy's features and Albus had to remind himself he was only 15.  
  
A knock rung throughout the old office. Albus waved a hand over the object and it disappeared. He gazed at the door for a minute before opening his lips.  
  
"Come in," he said. The door opened and the office began filling up. Ron, Hermoine, Ginny, Fred, and George followed Remus and Sirius. Molly and Arthur Weasly were next to enter. Minerva McGonagall entered as well as Severus Snape lastly. Albus allowed a weak smile at those entering, one that did not quite meet his eyes. It was an odd group, he knew this much. But he did not question the presence of even those that were less expected at this kind of a meeting.  
  
Remus studied his old professors features carefully. They were tight and worn. The twinkle that used to reside in those blue eyes were now lost. Remus than remembered why they were there and he glanced sideways at his best friend, who was fidgeting in the large chair beside him. Remus resisted raising his eyes to the sky in frustration. The lack of patience in that man would never seize to annoy him.  
  
He noticed Albus looking at him expectantly and he inwardly cursed as he noticed nobody else would speak. He ran a rough hand through his light brown hair in exasperation. He hated being the spokesmen for such a large group when he wasn't even sure himself what they were trying to say. He licked his dry lips in an attempt to stall even longer. But to no prevail did anyone take his position in explaining.  
  
"We have a lot of questions, Albus," he glanced around the room briefly, swallowing deeply, "and I'm not even sure where to start." Albus watched his former student shift uneasily in his seat and he had to fight down a smile.   
  
"Start with the question that bothers you most," Albus said simply. Remus nodded, but his head pounded with uneasiness. In truth, he had so many questions that all seemed equally important. But he searched his mind and connected his hazel eyes with Albus. His eyebrows furrowed in desperate confusion as the question formed in his mind.  
  
"Albus, this summer, when we saved Harry from those people, you told me that Harry never should have survived," Dumbledore nodded slowly, his blue eyes concentrating on his former student.  
  
"How could he ever survive? And why wouldn't he tell us about it?" Dumbledore rested his chin on his fingers, his blue eyes gazed at the desk in front of him.  
  
"Sometimes, Remus, there is a time when people, no matter their strength are pushed to believe lies. Yes," he glanced at Snape and McGonagall than at Mr. and Mrs. Weasly. "Even heroes."  
  
"Harry, a boy who never knew love, shunned and pushed around for his whole life, managed to grow up kind. Can you even imagine the miracle in that? And when he came to Hogwarts he finally began to understand love through friends," at this, Dumbledore gestured to the four teenagers in the corner.  
  
"Love, something he finally began to understand and long for. And he managed each summer away, with the hope of going back to the place he felt needed. He survived because he finally had a reason to. But I'm afraid that the answer goes deeper than that, something I cannot explain. For what Harry is-," Albus raised his head to meet Remus's eyes briefly, stopping in mid-sentence.  
  
"Harry's different, Remus. You know what I mean because you yourself have taught the boy. I've noticed it myself. He exceeds in things that he should not even know. The Patronous for example," Remus nodded at this part.  
  
"I never expected him to get it-especially with the circumstances of what happens when he gets near a dementor," Remus confessed. Sirius looked at his friend curiously but Remus didn't acknowledge it.  
  
"When Harry was still a child, before Hogwarts, he managed to apparate to the top of his school's roof," the room was deathly silent.  
  
"But-Albus- that's impossible!" Dumbledore sighed but shook his head at Arthur Weasly.  
  
"Not for Harry," he shook his head in disbelief but said nothing further.  
  
"After 4th year, Harry was devastated. We all know that," Albus glanced at the teenagers who were looking at their hands. Hermoine was sitting on the far end of them, her chair pulled away from the others into the corner. He looked away, a curious expression lining his face.  
  
"And things happened. Harry always felt a need to protect people, no matter who they are. When he learned he could not save Cedric, he thought he had to punish himself," Sirius sat up straight and gripped the desk. Dumbledore didn't look at him, not wanting to see the devastation that he knew lined the young face.   
  
"His punishment was to let the abuse come to him," Dumbledore watched out the corner of his eye as Hermoine lowered her head into her hands. Albus knew this had to be hard. But why did he have a feeling something wasn't right?  
  
"As for why Harry survived?" Albus glanced curiously at Sirius who was listening with rapt attention. His face was a mask, covering any emotion he might be feeling otherwise.  
  
"Harry is not who you think he is. In fact, he isn't who I believed he was 13 years ago. But I realize now, that he is much more than any of us can bear to take advantage of. He is to be the warrior, the one we have been waiting for," Snape and McGonagall gasped at this, the others in the room looking at them in curiosity.  
  
"Albus-you cannot- are you sure?" McGonagall's normal thin liped expression was gone now, her mouth was open slightly in shock, her eyes wide and her whole strict composure gone in an instant. Snape was also trying to fight down the shocked expression that crept onto his face. His usually pale face had gone even whiter if possible, the coal black eyes unblinking.  
  
The old man nodded, a small smile threatening to creep onto his lips. He watched the other occupants in the room with little surprise. They all seemed confused, except for three others besides himself. Minerva and Severus he had expected to look shocked, as they had been told the prophecy many years ago. But another in the room was the one that caught his attention. Hermoine Granger was staring at him with a passive look on her face, caught between saying something and on the edge of her seat and trying to sink into the background of the room. He watched her with little understanding for a few more moments before Severus interrupted his thoughts.  
  
"But the prophecy said that he would restore order to the world," Albus watched his former student with slight amusement. Severus had never wanted to believe that his enemy's son would save him or the world.  
  
"And so it does," he said quietly. Sirius stared at him for a little before finally talking, Albus noticing a strange glint in the younger man's eyes.  
  
"What prophecy?" Albus nodded and pulled a piece of paper out of the air. The occupants of the room watched him carefully.  
  
"I should have informed everyone awhile ago. But I wanted Harry to know first. But I suppose with the circumstances," Albus glanced at his colleges who nodded quietly at him, "Perhaps now I should tell you." He glanced over the paper quickly, sighing. He leaned forward in his chair and cleared his throat.  
  
" For one it becomes his way of life  
  
seeking the ruin of souls  
  
He roams the earth in search for the one.  
  
One ultimate betrayal from a friend  
  
rips away a past from beneath them.  
  
The child is known to rid the world of evil  
  
but he is taken away, to become  
  
the child of darkness.  
  
A past that chills him deep inside  
  
it calls to him to leave the world and his kind.  
  
And if he does not choose the right side,  
  
the war will be fought with no hope to spare.  
  
  
The warrior child, he will be called.  
  
He fights what he wills  
  
He fights what he hates  
  
he fights for a world that does not wait.  
  
  
He trusts not a soul  
  
He is broken by his past  
  
But in the final battle he will not stop.  
  
Fire in his soul and power in his mind  
  
He alone is the victory for mankind.  
  
  
"You believe this prophecy?" Albus nodded silently. He expected questions to come, but they never did. Instead, the all familiar silence filled the room. Sirius caught his Albus's eye and watched him carefully.  
  
"Albus, whenever Harry seemed to be having nightmares or in trouble, you seemed to be there," Sirius stared at his professor who looked older than ever at that moment although he seemed strangely different.  
  
"How did you do it?" Dumbledore smiled slightly, the mysteriousness of the old headmaster returning to full height.  
  
"After the Dursley's, we need to be extra careful," Albus carefully glanced at the cupboard where he had vanished the glass plate earlier. Remus saw this and let his eyes follow the headmasters. He shook his head, somethings were just better left unknown. But still, he listened with intent curiousity.  
  
"I am afraid that I cannot tell you at this time," Remus could almost see him glance at the teenagers, but it was so quick it might have been a trick of the light.  
  
"The hallucinations," Ron said suddenly. Remus stared at his former student. How had they all forgotten so easily?  
  
"You mean the temporary memory blank and the reformation of Cedric?" Ron watched his headmaster with uncertainly. Obviously reformation wasn't quite what he had been thinking.  
  
"Reformation of Cedric?" Dumbledore sighed and no smile formed on his lips.  
  
"Cedric was not alive, Mr. Weasly, as the kind of reformation you might be thinking. But rather inside Harry's mind," the old headmaster looked as weary as ever. Remus than realized that he must not have gotten a lot of sleep lately with Voldemort and now Harry's case must have taken a huge toll on him.  
  
"Harry can't distinguish between reality and his nightmares anymore. So much so, it's becoming dangerous. His mind doesn't know what to believe. The nightmares that plague his mind, or the days he lives. He is going through something I cannot begin to imagine," Dumbledore than turned his blue eyes away and stared at the desk in front of him, something Remus had never seen before. Albus always kept eye contact.  
  
"Vernon Dursely has told Harry countless times over the summer that he was a murderer. He even nicknamed Harry that at one time," Albus stopped talking this time and the room grew steadily quiet, no one knowing what to say.  
  
"Why would he do that to Harry?" Fred asked. George nodded at his side showing the headmaster he would like to know as well. Every eye was on Albus, waiting for his answer.  
  
"It was a game," his face showed complete disgust, and Albus raised his eyes to reach Fred's which showed how much the teenager truly did not understand.  
  
"A game of the mind. If Vernon could convince Harry he was a murderer, he could break Harry completely. You must understand, Mr. Weasly, that Vernon knew he could break every bone in Harry's body. But the one thing he had hardly any control over was his mind. This very fact drove Vernon mad. He did not have complete control when Harry would not let him. He could not force his way into Harry's mind. He had to casually break him over time, have Harry's emotions consume him fully," Fred looked frightened as the headmaster held contact with the boy. He was growing pale, his freckles standing out unnaturally on his face.  
  
"And he won?" Albus sighed and leaned back, placing his chin on his fingers.  
  
"We are lucky that Harry is so strong," Albus's forehead wrinkled in confusion and anger glinted in those clear blue eyes.  
  
"But nobody is strong enough to withhold the pain he has felt his entire life. Orphaned, alone, brought up in a cupboard, starved, and completely unloved until we brought him back to the wizarding world. Harry, I believe, may be close to withdrawing completely from everything he has ever felt and ever can.  
  
"The memory blanks will not end. But they are erratic. After nightmares, or severe confusion they may come back. I believe it may be a way Harry's learned to deal with the pain. But the reformations of Cedric are more dangerous right now. If he doesn't stop believing his nightmares, I'm afraid of what could happen to him," he sighed heavily.  
  
"Perhaps that it is my fault for sending a letter to his relatives. I explained all the events to them, hoping they would understand and treat him with more respect. I had no idea this would happen..."  
  
And being taken off guard again, Remus noted that his old headmaster was at a loss of words.  
  
"None of use could have known," Minerva said quietly. Her voice was soft and kind, as she stared at him. She had the most respect for this man, the only one that she ever had felt could trust, even in times of Voldemort.  
  
An uncomfortable silence engulfed the room for a few more moments before-  
  
"Hermoine knew," Ron growled. Sirius's wild brown eyes shot over at Hermoine who shrunk further into the chair. She made no sound of protest, however.  
  
A new look Ron had never seen crossed Sirius's features and it scared him. He seemed insane yet almost controlled at the same time, and it made no sense.  
  
"What did you say?" Sirius asked venom dripping from each word. Ron looked at him uneasily, that glint in his eyes was becoming stronger.  
  
"She told us she knew what was happening during the summer." Ron whispered. Something on that pale face, and the look in his eyes that had never left since Azkaban, made Ron truly scared of Sirius.   
  
Sirius stood up so quickly and strode over to Hermoine that Albus stood up as well, hand on wand. But Sirius, however, made no move towards his own wand. Instead, he rolled his fingers into a fist.  
  
"Did you betray Harry?" Hermoine bit her lip. She turned away but Sirius didn't move. His breath became more ragged and the intense strange glint magnified.  
  
"What was it Hermoine? Did it make you feel more powerful? To know that the fucking boy-who-lived was getting beat up by his goddamn family?" Albus's eyes flashed dangerously. He pushed his way in between Sirius and Hermoine.  
  
"That is enough Sirius!" Sirius glared at Dumbledore, but said nothing and sat back down. He turned to Hermoine who was fighting back tears. He watched her momentarily as though wondering what to say. He walked over to her and placed an ancient hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Please, Ms. Granger. Tell us what happened." Hermoine shifted slightly in her seat as though trying to disappear entirely. But she sighed eventually and opened her mouth to speak.  
  
"After the 3rd task, I started to wonder about Harry. He seemed so withdrawn, so different," her voice was hoarse and hardly above a quiet whisper, yet her voice carried throughout the silent room.  
  
"But it was strange," her forehead wrinkled in desperate confusion. "I started to feel differently. Almost as though I could feel what he was going through," she stopped and looked at the headmaster in confusion who nodded at her to continue.  
  
"Of course, I'm not sure if those were really what he was feeling, but I felt pain all the time. Not physically, but emotionally degraded and hurt. Always, I felt the same. As though I had been put in a hole I couldn't get out of. But I didn't understand what was happening. I thought maybe it was because of what Harry had gone through, but it was deeper than that. it was as though I had lived through it," Dumbledore nodded.  
  
"Amour la devotu," Albus said simply. "The binding spell. You saved him Hermoine, just by taking on some of his pain." Albus watched her no quietly.  
  
"How did you know then?" Ginny asked. She was staring at her friend with deep regret.  
  
"Everynight, I had dreams. I would see Harry's uncle beating him up. I could sometimes block the hits by placing myself in front of Harry. His uncle never knew the difference. He was usually so drunk that he never even knew," Hermoine choked back threatening tears that fell down her cheeks. "Sometimes he didn't even know how close he was to killing Harry."  
  
"Anyway, I owled Harry about it. I asked him if his uncle was beating him up. Everytime he refused to reply, although once I did get a response back. It was in his usually handwriting, though a little messier. But I just supposed it was because he was in a hurry," she turned her gaze towards her hands.  
  
"What did the note say, Hermoine?" Remus asked softly. She took a small breath.  
  
"It was short. 'Nothing's wrong. Don't worry. Can't write anymore, ~Harry.' It was something I had been hoping to hear," she closed her eyes.  
  
"I thought that if something had been happening, he would have at least told me the truth. But he didn't and so I believed what I wanted to instead of what I knew was true." Sirius had his face in his hands, muttering softly to himself.  
  
"Eventually, after I got hardly any sleep and when I realized brusies were forming from the hits I would encounter, I knew it was all happening to him," she stopped here, waiting for someone to say something.  
  
"So than why didn't you do anything then?" Hermoine glanced at Ron curiously and her eyes widened.  
  
"We did do something. We rescued Harry," Ron sighed and Ginny got up and hugged her friend, who accepted the hug. They broke apart and Ginny went back to her seat, drying her eyes. Hermoine glanced at Ron who simply shot her a look 'we'll talk later.' Sirius was still avoiding her gaze, but he didn't seem angry any more.  
  
The room subdued once more. Everyone seemed to be digesting all the information, still so many questions that needed answering.  
  
"What about Voldemort, sir?" Ginny Weasly asked. Her body was sitting straight up and her face turned slightly red as she spoke out. Dumbledore regarded her question thoughtfully.  
  
"Voldemort is planning on recruiting Harry still. He has tried and failed, but he will not give up. I am telling you this because you are the ones that Harry has to trust and love. Do not let him fade away. Tell him things, do not push him out. Don't let him push you out. Follow him around, do anything to make him realize you aren't going away. I will not lie to you. These next couple of months will not be easy. He is changed, and changing. You four are changed. Things will not be easy anymore especially because of the war."  
  
"Sir? Is Harry even going to be able to go back to school? I mean, it starts in a week and he isn't back to normal yet," Dumbledore smiled softly at the teenagers.  
  
"I believe Mr. Potter will be able to go back to school," Dumbledore glanced at Snape quickly. "He will safest there anyways, and even if he does not attend all classes, should at least come back to Hogwarts."  
  
"Harry's going to die defeating Voldemort?" The whole room sat in shock for a few moments their eyes falling on different random objects around the room. The prophecy had not been talked about, most wishing not to figure out what it meant.  
  
"If you are asking my interpretation, than yes. Harry must sacrifice himself for the good of the world. But my interpretations most certainly are not considered completely accurate. Divination is a very blurry subject. Especially when the hand dealt to you can change despite what cards you were meant to have," Hermoine cocked her head to the side slightly as though trying to figure something out. She watched her headmaster for a few moments, but didn't say anything.  
  
"What about Voldemort, sir?" Arthur Weasly asked. His body was sitting straight up and his ears turned slightly red as he spoke out.  
"Voldemort is planning on recruiting Harry still. He has tried and failed, but he will not give up. I am telling you this because you are the ones that Harry has to trust and love. Do not let him fade away. Tell him things, do not push him out. Don't let him push you out. Follow him around, do anything to make him realize you aren't going away. I will not lie to you. These next couple of months will not be easy. He is changed, and changing. You four are changed. Things will not be easy anymore especially because of the war."  
  
"What are we going to do to Vernon," Sirius's raspy voice voiced aloud the question everyone had been thinking but not wanting to ask.  
  
"There will be a trial," Albus said quietly. "In 4 weeks time, Vernon Dursley, Petunia Dursely, and Dudley Dursely will be tried," he shook his head slowly. "None of them will be let go easy, I promise you this, Sirius."  
~*~  
  
Foreshadowing (either in next chapter or chapter after that) :  
  
  
"Sirius, I'm ready to talk now."  
  
  
"Hermoine, I don't understand anything anymore."  
  
"You think any of us do? Think Ron, we're changed! We grew up this summer and we aren't kids anymore. We can't ever be kids again! But things change and you need to learn to deal with it."  
  
  
"We're never going to be the same again, are we?"  
A/N: Hey!!! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter!!! I know there wasn't any Harry really in this chapter. But I did that on purpose because next chapter will have A LOT of him, trust me. I made this chapter just to answer everyone's questions. I really hope this helped.  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!  
  
Thanks to everyone that reviewed chapter 15!!!!!!!! I'm sorry, I don't have time to thank you all individually, but I promise to answer them all next chapter!!! And I really really really appreciate everyones reviews! They make me want to keep writing!!!!!!!  
~Until next time  
Corie 


	17. Breaking down the barriers

A/N: *stays hidden in corner to avoid tomatoes and pitchforks* Here! *throws story* Just read!  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned anything I'd be dead for my lack of updating....   
  
~~~  
  
The beast in me   
  
Is caged by frail and fragile bars   
  
Restless by day   
  
And by night rants and rages at the stars   
  
God help the beast in me  
  
The beast in me   
  
Has had to learn to live with pain   
  
And how to shelter from the rain   
  
And in the twinkling of an eye   
  
Might have to be restrained   
  
God help the beast in me  
  
~Johnny Cash  
  
"The Beast In Me"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
The sun was drawing closer and closer to the horizon, disappearing underneath the darkness that crept towards the earth. It lingered, hoping to shed one more spark of light before drifting beyond and purging the world into darkness for the night.  
  
Harry dipped a forefinger into the small stream, gently caressing the stream with his weathered hand. He moved his finger back and forth, as though willing it to elope him into the vast darkness of the mossy bottoms.  
  
He sighed, his unruly black hair gliding across his forehead as a breeze pushed past him eerily. He leaned his scarred back against the ancient tree and let his eyes loll him into a half-awake state. He shuddered at the now howling wind and forced himself to keep his tired eyes open.  
  
He was afraid to fall asleep, now more then ever. After he'd talked to his parents, touched them and realized the heartache that dwelled inside himself, he didn't want to taint such a good dream with the horrible stench of reality. It had been so long since he'd dreamed of good things, and now, he wanted to relish the dream, pretend he could sleep without waking to his strangled cry for at least one more night.  
  
He leaned forward slightly, just enough so that the teenager could watch his reflection. It wavered in the disturbed waters as Harry pulled his finger from it's depths. His skin, which had been so ghostly pale all summer now seemed to be gaining a more healthy look to it. His hair was worse then before since he'd come to run his hand through his hair repeatedly. His eyes were weighed heavy with dark bags of guilt, the green that once gleamed with hope now stared blankly ahead as though now sure of how to live, to survive.  
  
His fingers now made their way towards the amulet that he'd hung around his neck since the dream. It glowed dully, the white now changed to a dark, navy blue. It gave off a sort of warmth he'd never experienced and held it in his hand. As he breathed in deeply, remembering the smell of his mother's hair, the warmth of their embrace, it took more strength then he had to give to will away the straying tears that lurked down his face and fell into the pond in front of him.  
  
Is that what it'd feel like? To have a mother and know that no matter what she's always be there for you, know you, love you despite all the troubles? Not for all the fame he received would he had ever returned to the world he'd left behind for those short minutes if he didn't have to.  
  
A small leaf gently fell into the waters, distorting his reflection and slowly wavering back and forth in the waters as it settled to it's release from the tree it'd come to hold on to it's entire life. Harry picked up the leaf, tracing the veins in the intricately designed object. He studied the designs as they wove in and out as though they formed a maze that wond so much it could not be undone. Unless he started slowly and had the patience to finish.  
  
He heard footsteps behind him and he quickly hid the amulet back into his shirt before turning to the visitor and then gazing back at the leaf that he'd held onto and continued to weave it's pattern.  
  
"Hey Har," The soft voice said as Harry turned his eyes away from the light blue orbs that stared at him with concern and something he couldn't detect. Was it a similar emotion he'd recognized in his mother and father's eyes?   
  
The older man sat down next to him, resting his back on the tree in the same fashion as his godson. Sirius put his hands behind his head, and simply stared at the water peacefully along with Harry.  
  
There was something oddly comforting about someone sitting near him as he thought. Neither talked, they simply sat, listening to the birds that took flight overtop them, on their way home for the night. Harry caught a glance at his godfather and noticed he was still staring at the water, as thought deep in thought.  
  
'He saved me,' Harry thought, still staring at his godfather who didn't seem to notice his godson's eyes on him. 'He saved me from my uncle and I'd never even thanked him. I nearly blamed him for what happened.'   
  
Sirius moved his head towards Harry, catching the boy's stare. Green eyes stared into blue. Harry continued eye contact as though afraid to let go.  
  
'He's in so much pain. Since Azkaban, he's been in dreadful pain, and all I've done is cause him more.'  
  
"What is it, kiddo?" Harry had never understood where the nickname had come from, but he felt connected to it in a way he'd never felt before.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sirius. I am so sorry." Damn those tears. Why do they always come at the wrong time?  
  
"For what?" His head was cocked to the side slightly, causing Harry to feel slightly amused, despite the situation, as he looked more like a canine then ever before.  
  
"I never thanked you for saving me. And I've been horrible to you, to you all. I'm surprised you didn't just leave," he said quietly. Sirius seemed as though he wanted to sigh and broke his eye contact with Harry. Then he turned back, smirking.  
  
"Kid, there's nothing you could do to make me go away, I'm afraid you're stuck with this godfather for life." Harry's heart contracted painfully in his chest. Was he really saying what he'd wished for all his life?  
  
"You know, though, you had us all scared to death," Sirius turned his gaze to the ground and then back to Harry so quickly he thought he might've imagined it. Harry felt slightly ashamed at the comment, wishing he'd assured them he really was all right.  
  
"I didn't mean to-"   
  
"Hey, don't go apologizing again. There's nothing we can do to change the past." Was that really true? Harry's head spun with all the emotions going through him at once at the simple sentence. They broke into silence again, both of them turning back towards the pond, neither quite ready to speak, both listening quietly to the crickets that began playing their melodic song as night came into full view. Harry could see the stars pulling through the dark night and shivered from the dropping temperature.  
  
'Would he ever hurt me?' the question made him squirm inside. His green eyes closed as images of his uncle turned into his godfather. The scars on his back began to sting against the bark of the tree as previous beatings fluttered through his mind, his godfather hurting him-  
  
But then, pictures, memories of the past couple of weeks pushed their way to the front of his mind. Sirius, holding him, not beating him. Hugging him like a father would a son-But was it too much to hope that someone cared? And before he knew what he was doing, his lips parted to emit the wistful question that lurked inside himself.  
  
"Sirius? Why do you stay with me?" The older man's eyes stayed closed and Harry began to think he'd fallen asleep. He felt shame rise in him along with the heat in his cheeks.  
  
"Because, kiddo," his godfather opened his eyes and pushed the boy's hair back. He was so surprised he didn't even flinch at the touch. "I love you like the son I never had."  
  
Harry stared blankly at the man, not fully comprehending what he's said. He'd never expected an answer like that.  
  
"Hey, I know it's hard to understand, maybe impossible. I understand more then you probably know." The haunted eyes of Azkaban glazed over as thought lost in a memory. Harry felt his head tilt slightly, trying to figure out what his godfather was trying to tell him.  
  
"Not everything is what you see, kid. My family's hated me from the minute I was born. There's no stopping feelings like that. There was nothing I could have done that was right to accept their love. And Lily-your mother, Har, her father-" Sirius shook his head and Harry furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.  
  
"My mum? My-grandfather?" he whispered. 'You?' his thoughts echoed. How could two of the strongest people he'd come to know, even if one was only a memory, have been through what he went through?  
  
"Lily changed when her mom died, and so did her dad. Haven't you ever wondered why Petunia hated your mother so much? It wasn't something that just developed over jealousy. Your mother was hated in her family because she was blamed for her mother's death." His voice was quiet, almost a whisper by the time he finished. How had he not seen the pain and hurt that lurked in Sirius's eyes before now?  
  
"Do you understand what I'm trying to say, Har?" His voice was coarse, but strong. "You don't-can't get over things like that. Family is suppose to be love, but sometimes it's taken away because-well, sometimes for no reason at all. I wish I could tell you to just wish it away, ignore it and you'll never have to think of it again. But it haunts you forever unless you can learn to accept it and become stronger because of it. You have to push through it, no matter how much it hurts in here," Sirius's weathered hand laid across Harry's chest over his heart. "But in the end, you'll be so much stronger and better for it." His green eyes lowered, his heart constricting painfully and slowly. It was now or never.  
  
"My unc-" his voice stopped, choking on his own words. "Vernon's hated me all my life. And I don't know why, Sirius. I don't understand. I know I'm a freak, but why? What did I do?" Sirius watched his godson who turned away ashamed. He pulled him into a half-hug.  
  
"You are not a freak," Sirius said softly. "Everything he told you, everything he called you, were lies. Sometimes-" he swallowed swiftly. "Sometimes people hate for no reason when they don't understand something."  
  
"Siri, why did your family hate you?" His eyes hardened, and he looked into the water.   
  
"I wasn't good enough. I was sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherien, I wasn't supportive of Voldemort, you name it. I did everything wrong in their eyes. My family was very much into the dark arts, were pureblood fanatics. I hated everything about my family as much as they hated me," Harry sighed quietly as they were purged into silence once again.  
  
"I-Vernon burned all my pictures of my parents," he whispered to his godfather. Sirius nodded quietly as he ran a hand through his black hair.   
  
"I know, I saw," The images of the spell the wizards had cast on Harry earlier in his stay at the Burrow were still fresh in the man's mind.  
  
"I tried to stop them, I tried to grab them, I really did. But even though the pictures shouldn't have burned from the charms that were placed on them, I guess something went wrong," he pulled back the sleeves from his shirt hesitantly and showed the scars from the fire to Sirius.  
  
"The fire burned me pretty bad, but 'they' wouldn't take me to the doctor. That's why Madam Pomfrey couldn't heal most of my scars. They were rooted too deeply in my skin." He couldn't go on, no matter what. Sirius looked at them, his cold hands tracing them strangely.  
  
"I thought that all your wounds were healed-" Harry shook his head sadly.  
  
"Only my wounds. Scars like these, " He gestured to the scars on his back and arm, "they don't disappear like I'd wish."  
  
"Are you still having nightmares about Cedric?" Sirius asked. Harry raised an eyebrow at the sudden change of subject.  
  
"Would you believe me if I told you I haven't slept in days so that I could remember the dream with my parents?" Sirius laughed quietly.  
  
"Yeah, you've had a lot on your mind lately," Harry smiled but it faltered as he regained the memory.  
  
"All summer I had nightmares about 'it'," Harry felt oddly strange revealing all of this to Sirius when a week ago he'd tried to avoid all human contact at all.  
  
"I heard the voice of Cedric. I mean, at first it was Cedric. But it kept changing to Voldemort and back. I don't understand how I disappeared, but maybe it was Voldemort's plan to torture me, I don't know. But I kept seeing Cedric reappearing in front of me too. It was almost like he was a ghost, and he kept blaming me, calling me a murderer-" he shook his head ruffly.  
  
"Harry- Cedric's death-"   
  
"I know what you're going to tell me, Sirius. It isn't my fault. But it is! Can't you see? I was there, I saw it-I could have prevented it and I didn't. I just watched him fall-his death was my fault," Tears lurked from his green eyes, his elbow resting on his knee and gripping his hair with his hand.  
  
"So you think Voldemort is innocent then?" Harry didn't say anything, his eyes still closed painfully trying to block the images from the third task from his mind.  
  
"If you think Voldemort is innocent and everyone who didn't prevent their deaths is at fault, then maybe we should all just give up fighting Voldemort and start fighting against each other," Harry turned his head, still resting on his hand and looked at his godfather, his tears still falling down his pale cheeks. Sirius sighed and hugged his godson who grabbed onto the older man's shirt and cried, his painstaking sobs shaking his body. Sirius's body began rocking the boy back and forth, whispering softly.  
  
"I never meant for any of this to happen, Sirius. I never wanted anyone to die, I don't want to be the Boy-Who-Lived," he cried. Sirius leaned his forehead on the boy's messy hair.  
  
"I know, I know." And the barrier was broken as Sirius felt his own tears fall, the pain of the past twelve years resurfacing slowly.  
  
Harry felt his breath slowing down as he sniffed in the smell of his godfather's shirt. He smelled slightly of the cologne Harry had smelled when Padfoot was curled up next to him as he slept. He didn't dare let go of Sirius shirt, afraid that he might disappear although he'd stopped crying.  
  
"Will you make me a promise?" Harry let go of his shirt reluctantly and listened to his godfather's words.  
  
"Promise me that you'll never give up, no matter how hard it is," Harry nodded and added quietly.  
  
"As long as we're both trying, we can get through this."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hermoine?" Ron walked over to his couch in front of the living room fire and sat down. He looked at the girl sitting next to him. Her hair was tousled and her eyes were red as though from crying. Now, she wasn't crying, but staring into the fire, as though she had no movement left. It was like she was a zombie. And it was how Ron was feeling inside. Empty and scared.  
  
"Hermoine? Come on, snap out of it," Ron shook her shoulders gently and Hermoine whipped her head towards Ron. Startled, he recoiled.  
  
"Whao, calm down, 'Moine. Come on, breath," Ron said soothingly. Hermoine narrowed her eyes like she thought he was trying to be funny.  
  
"Are you ok?" Ron asked the startled girl. Her eyes had turned an unnerving dark brown.  
  
"My friend is dying inside, Ron. How well am I suppose to be?" He only responded with a sigh. They sat in silence for a while until-  
  
"It's my fault, you know," Ron looked at her like he thought she had lost her mind. "When I saw all the signs, I should have suspected. But I thought I was overreacting, you know, being stupid. If only I had been smart, Ron, I could've saved Harry all that pain," Ron put his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look towards him.  
  
"Hermoine, snap out of it. This isn't your fault. You're putting yourself into the same position Harry has and if you don't stop blaming yourself then you'll drive yourself insane. We have to focus on how to get Harry better," Ron's blue eyes were filled with tears as the brown haired girl looked emotionless.  
  
"And I know why you blame yourself. Damn, 'Moine, I wish I wasn't so thick-headed. I know I blamed you before-but I was wrong, Hermoine. I was so wrong. You know how stupid I get when I'm angry," Hermoine didn't react. "We have to be strong for Harry, 'moine."  
  
"I don't know how much longer I can stay strong for him, Ron. This is so hard," she sighed quietly. "He's had to grow up so fast, Ron. When I first met him, I thought that's just the way he was. But it wasn't. His uncle didn't let him live like a child, but a slave," she dropped her voice to a hoarse whisper, as though not daring to let anyone hear her.  
  
"And somewhere along the line, when we became friends with him, we grew up too. But there's something inside me that just doesn't want to grow up yet. I'm too afraid that when I grow up, I'll never be able to be carefree anymore," Ron didn't dare look into her face. His own face was illuminated by the fire he stared into, the heat licking at his cheeks.  
  
"He needs you, Herm. He needs you more then he needs me," Ron said quietly. Hermione turned her head so quickly that Ron wondered how he ever could have thought she couldn't move. But he knew Hermoine was right. That summer had caused the two of them to grow up as fast as Harry had to when he was younger. And Ron knew Hermoine needed Harry as much as he needed her.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Hermoine rubbing her forehead irritably.  
  
"Ron," her voice was soft and hoarse. Ron turned his head towards the girl who was looking as old as he felt. How were they suppose to survive this? They were too young. They were all far too young for this.  
  
"All these years, all that pain. And yet, not once," she stopped suddenly and then lifted her head to meet Ron's eyes. He saw shock in those eyes. And she didn't have to finish her sentence for him to understand what they both were thinking.  
  
"He never told anyone." And the two friends, deep in thought and worry, stared into the fire, too afraid to cry, too alone to sleep, and too tired to speak.  
  
A/N: You have no idea how sorry I am, and I have no excuse for my laziness. I'm sorry to everyone who has been reading this and I promise to finish this story. Unfortunately, it was either this story or Dark Shadows to continue, and I chose this story. I will, however, leave it up in case one day I decide to finish it.  
  
Thank you all for reading this, and thanks to all the past reviewers of this story. I know that I don't deserve them for not updating at all for practically a year, but please, please, please, REVIEW! Thanks, you have no idea how much they motivate me. 


End file.
